White motherfuckers been pretending they dwarfs and killing all kinds of motherfucking dragons for days. That shit is old motherfucking news. I mean, everybody know that a pasty-face like pretending that they some shit that they ain’t never gonna be, like a wizard or a motherfucking elf, or a white rapper that don’t start his shit with “and I’m here to say” in the first line. Well, now all you white motherfuckers got something else you could pretend to be. Introducing MTV’s Virtual Laguna Beach.

This is basically an opportunity for all you motherfucking shut-in white people to stop playing around like you a god damn Viking, and start acting like you a faggot ass pastel polo shirt wearing white motherfucker that live near the beach and don’t gotta pay to get they dick sucked. Yeah, the subject matter is faggy as all get out, but if you gotta be white and you gotta pretend you something else, why not pretend that you somebody that ain’t greasy in a motherfucking basement? I mean, fuck a Sim and fuck them Orcs too.

Oh and believe a nigga: this shit is not motherfucking fake. They actually beta testing this game right the fuck now and you could even play it for free. You could sign up and pick what the fuck you wanna look like, which is fine if you ain’t black. I mean, any goddamn game that you gotta pick what the fuck you look like got like 50,000 variations of white motherfuckers, 30 sleepyheads, and 2 shitty ass black dudes.

That’s how the fuck it is in every motherfucking game… Except Tiger Woods golf. That nigga probably got it in his motherfucking endorsement contract that you gotta accurately represent a minority because he all frustrated trying to find a motherfucker that looks like him. I mean, it ain’t easy to do it if you Black, but if you got a little Sleepyhead stirred the fuck into your Black, that’s gotta be frustrating as a motherfucker.

Any damn way, until I could roll up strapped looking like my nigga CJ from San Andreas and smash that bitch Kristin Cavalleri, I’m gonna sit the fuck out. Holla at a nigga when they get real with this bullshit. One.

Russia gonna let Madonna into space as early as 2009, which means that anyone else can get into space too - provided that you slob on a mile of nigga cock and you got a gap between your motherfucking fronts that puts my nigga Bokeem Woodbine to shame. That bitch got a fake British accent, but a authentic fucked up British smile, for serious.

Its all about the money though. They was gonna tell the bitch to fall back, but those shifted ass Russian motherfuckers is so easily bought out that you could pop a nigga named Yakov in the eye with a roll of Charmin and a loaf of Wonderbread and he gonna be like, “So when the fuck you want to get up in the Cosmos, nigga?”

I mean, they ain’t got no scruples (…and to have my respect you got to be holding down some motherfucking scruples). They already sold out and let some wealthy white motherfucker up in space for like 25 Million, they almost let that gay nigga Lance Bass go and redecorate the moon, and now they gonna let Madonna up in there and potentially endanger the motherfucking fabric of space time.

First off, I’d like to apologize in advance to all those motherfucking aliens. I can’t speak for white motherfuckers, but on behalf of all the niggas on the planet - I am sorry, but its not our motherfucking fault that the bitch became the destructive force she is today. Niggas only did some backup dancing and mouth fucking when it came to that bitch any damn how, but we didn’t endorse no motherfucking interstellar travel.

So to make you Alien motherfuckers more prepared for what the fuck you got to deal with come 2009, here are a few motherfucking notes that seemed to work for us niggas on Earth when it come to Madonna:

1. That bitch is 65 years old. No matter what the fuck she tells you, or what the fuck the bitch wears, that bitch is up for some Social Security and even though she looks like she’s in aight shape, she got a snatch like a tore-up beer can cozy and a hip made out of gram crackers.

2. Never let the bitch get recognition for shit she ain’t supposed to be doing. The bitch can sing and suck dick. That’s all the bitch should get props for. Pat the bitch on the back after she takes 12 the hard way, or give her a motherfucking peck on the cheek for throwing down some vocals, but never give the bitch an award for acting. She gonna try out for any motherfucking role that requires a sexy female lead even though the bitch is in no motherfucking way sexy or female (Allegedly). Ask Guy Ritchie about that shit.

3. You gonna get your dick sucked. There’s no avoiding that shit. If she’s anywhere near a cock, no matter what motherfucking planet your from, you gonna get blown. I heard a rumor that the bitch went down on the Yoda puppet once, but she just ended up sucking on some white motherfuckers hand. Any damn way, since there’s no motherfucking way to avoid getting brain from this arrogant gappy-toothed bitch, I got one word for all you Alien niggas: Pennicilin. I hope yah motherfuckers took a few years out your busy schedule of cornholing white motherfuckers from Oklahoma to discover that shit. You gonna need it to put out the fire, dig?

You follow these motherfucking guidelines, keep this shit in mind, and you gonna be aight. By the way, this shit is the opinion of one motherfucker, Big Eddie Ed, and is based on rumors and allegations. Come to your own conclusions, nigga. One.

From the walls of the prison cell of C74 dis is your boy Mike Nyce straigh off the cot. I loved how niggas thought I was dead gone and not updating this shit no more, and I know I promised niggas updates in like 90 minutes and 2 days and all dat other shit but when you ain’t got no money in your commissary, for pencils or toilet paper its kinda hard to write dem updates nah mean so Imma hit ya with a quick week in review cause every motherfucking white owned technology company in da world released fucking news last week shit I mean damn I’m trying not to get raped in the
ass and enjoy dat shit, much less trying to keep current so here dese shits go:

1. New iPods: FUCK STEVE JOBS (no widescreen touchscreen iPod? you bullshiting motherfucker) drop dat shit asap.

2. Microsoft Zune: Ya motherfuckers can’t be serious! A brown colored device, why dont you just say dis 4 is fo niggas.

3. Blackberry Pearl: Man fuck them candanian honkeys and they bullshit ass half phone/berry. step yo game up (eh!)

4. Nintendo Wii: Fucking sleepyheads still playing dem peenut butta and jelly games, fuck dat shit I wanna see princess get fucked in the ass by koopa troopa! And Fuck a Zelda. Bitches!

5. Sony PS3: Blu-ray my ass nigga, can’t even make a fucking optical light refract and reflect .0001mmm deep in the mirror surface, shit nay-nay in c76 already got a hot new purple ray dvd player he made with a toothbrush and a carton of Newports. 300 gigs of storage and 15.1 channel sound, ya don’t know about that shit! Fuck Sony.

6. Stars Wars: Fucking Lucas must think we stupid buying the same fucking 3 movies over and over, nigga I swear to god if I see that motherfucking I am slapping him with a fucking divX disc. Fuck dat I may even go over to qutentioan house and slapp him with the fucking 1995 laserdisc edition he used to port dem shits. Faggit.

Dats all I got time for right now but if ya niggas remember anything else from last week tech maddness holla at the nigga niggifed@gmail.com

Do any of my pigment-challenged children out there have a question about their iPod? How about you NBRA members and your Chocolate jacks? Well take that blasphemic shit elsewhere, this is Nigga Know Technology, the realest technology from the realest niggas. We don’t assist people with pasty iPods or racist jacks designed by white people.

If you got a question about any real technology, about sleepyhead tech from my day, the site itself, the people behind the site, the Book of Leviticus (I’m sure one of the False Prophets has one) or just ways to burn that classic Kobe Tai flick Executions on Butt Row, drop a comment and we might get at it, provided we aren’t too busy keeping it real.

IBM is trying to get back to they motherfucking hey-day when they ran shit on that mainframe game and nobody gave a fuck about any other company. Well, its not like they just started trying. I mean, they been trying to do that shit for days, since like 1992 when they made those mad cheap 486-SX 25 Aptivas, and got decidedly niggarish.. selling they products at like County fairs and shit. The only way those motherfuckers coulda fallen off quicker was if they jacked that Dr. Sbaitso joint from Creative Labs and changed the voice from Steven Hawking to a nigga like Kadeem Hardison. Let me take an opportunity to tip some out for the cast of “Different World” - yah niggas was cancelled before your time.

Any damn way, I just found out that IBM was given $35 million dollars to build a supercomputer that could do “1,000 trillion” calculations a second, which all yal niggas know is just white trickery to make it look more impressive. 1,000 trillion is a motherfucking Quadrillion. You white motherfuckers been inventing and twisting words to make your shit seem more important too. Those shifted ass niggas at Reuters been calling that shit a “petaflop”, but that shit gotta be faker than that Lindsay Lohan home movie I copped on Limewire. I’m not trying to be the nigga responsible for perpetrating these motherfucking grandiose Ronco bullshit talking points, so lets just say that this motherfuckers faster than those dormant ass aborigine niggas that appeared out of nowhere and was chasing Gilligan around the lagoon for half an episode. That’s mad fast too, because that nigga Gilligan was so shook that he was running on water to try and get away.

So look, the Government gave these people $35 million because IBM CLAIMS they can make this shit happen. IBM throws around some motherfucking terms like “petaflops” and “Redhat Linux” and all a sudden these congressmen turn into some faggot ass Digg members that just dugg they fifteenth “Top ten reasons we love that nigga Steve Jobs” list. They all in a motherfucking frenzy for some shit they THINK they could do! How the fuck do they know if they gonna end up with a $35 million dollar Aptiva? They don’t know, but nigga, after all - its IBM. Yeah they could make some wildin’ ass claims and not deliver, but that’s because they got a motherfucking name. Love those niggas or hate em, the motherfuckers have never sold a WHITE LAPTOP, they never jumped on that faggot ass iPod bandwagon, and they also put that Russian Chess nigga right the fuck out of business too.

This project, codenamed “roadrunner”, gonna be developed in the Los Alamos National Laboratory in New Mexico, or that place all those white motherfuckers been camping out because they seen ET’s autopsy on YouTube. One.

Hype Williams. Last week you won the MTV Video Vanguard Award for lifetime achievement. Congrats to you my brotha because you have acomplished a lot. Now it seems like niggas is trying to drag you down with mediocre ideas for a video. Let’s take for example…hmm your latest callabo with Pharrell (This is the part where you readin motherfuckas take your focus off of the talented Hype Williams and turn it to the fake ass Pharrell).

In his “Number 1″ video, Pharrell tries to mask his talent by doing the same moves invented by someone 20 or so years ago. His name was MICHAEL JACKSON! You peep his shit next time that video comes on…compare it to the MJ of old and see he’s doing the same moves, using the same mannerisims, NIGGA HE’S USING THE SAME GREEN THEME WITH BLACK BACKGROUND AND DANCING IN FRONT OF IT.

He even tries to drag in the talented Mr. Kanye West to try and make something out of his high pitched screeching. Look, I ain’t sayin the brotha ain’t talented…I mean look at who he has produced and what hits he and his partner have made, but when it comes to branchin out…he gotta keep his shit wrapped up condom tight. I mean those Ice Cream shoes are Got-Damn ugly.

Eyo so I get back from vacation and I hops up on this site and what does a nigga spy: some shit about that anorexic snow white creepy prowling motherfucker John Mark Karr that make that faggot down syndrome Carmello-twin looking R. Kelly and that starving Jewish nigga Woody Allen look like they balling way over the statutory age limit and lapping at ya grandmamas ass because John Mark Karr fucks them babies, yunderstand what I’m saying. But for real homie that ain’t technology, even though that shit hilarious because that pasty nigga couldn’t look more like he hit them 2 year olds even if he had that shit tatted on his forehead so I just had to get up on this shit and bring yall up to speed on some real technology, nahm sayin. I mean John Mark Karr don’t got much to do with technology unless you consider how much that nigga look like this other nigga.

So what the Last Real New Yorker do, he gets at you with them reviews of them real products, yundastand - and today Im all about this XPC X100 by Shuttle, whoever the fuck they is. Now this ain’t no regular fucking PC - what hot about this grip is that it small, nah mean. Now if you’se a nigga and not a coffee house Negro, you can appreciate a small personal computer, nah mean, because you would never be caught on ya block with a laptop, and more to the point you sure caint afford no laptop nigga if you working at McDonalds when eryone knows they run at about two thousand bills. Apparently this shit can fit in a motherfucking cereal box - so you can either drop the $700-$1000 of your rent paper on this piece, conceal that shit in a Footlocker box and tell ya mens you copped them white on whites so they dont think you that type of nigga who reads and shit, and you can get at them kobe tai pics with ease, or, if you truly gully you can easily slip this shit in ya hoodie and be out of CompUSA or them Arab run tourist shops in Times Square that deal them miniature glass World Trade Centers and $4,000 digital cameras to stupid guilty white motherfuckers from Kansas, yuhderstand what Im saying. Plus it look like a game console so you can tell ya boys it a black Xbox 360 or whatever, nigga.

Now I know what you gone axe- you like, how can a computer that like 2 inches thick be powerful enough to even power up that Firefox so you can stream them high def photos of Ms. Tai pussy inna ya brain. So for you niggas that care to know, here the stats: there two models, a $700 grip and one for $1000. The $1000 one got a 250-gigabyte hard drive, a 4-in-1 memory card reader, whatever the motherfuck that is, “a ATI Radeon X1400 graphics processor and 7.1 channel surround-sound audio outputs.” Don’t know what that shit about, so ask ya local Asian, but I bet you can hold a billion of them stolen mp3s and you can blare that Kelly Clarkson all day, you faggot.