Now that they tryna cure that AIDS with some bitch-made ass red nanos, here’s a special motherfucking iPod you ain’t never gone see:

If you cop that imaginary non-existant shit-brown iPod nono, we gone donate $10 dollars to find a motherfucking cure for mud butt.

Office Depot got a 19″ Widescreen LCD Monitor for $159 - and you don’t gotta send rebates out to nobody, nigga. This is a time sensitive sale that ends on 11/4/2006.

It’s got that DVI and built-in speakers suitable for white motherfucker use, but they ain’t shit compared to what the fuck I got bumping in my motherfucking trunk. Any damn way, with a max resolution of 1440×900, this shit look bangin as a motherfucker wether you trying to buck them 8 year old Japanese niggas at some counterstrike or you running them Kobe Tai DVDs.

Yeah, its a no-name brand, but according to those niggas at Fast Hardware, this shit is bedazzled as all motherfucking get-out. So this shit is deceptive like them NYC Jamaican bedsheet watches. That reviewer even wrote some shit like he can’t even tell the difference between this monitor or one them crispy ass $500 LCD shits your caking ass boss been copping for days.

I’mma have two of these motherfuckers for real. Get yours while supplies last nigga, they say the sale gonna be over November 4th in the ‘06.

This is a quick one, so I’m gone let this strip speak for it self.

This shit is a parody, nigga. Come to your own conclusions, I mean DAMN. One, bitches.

My niggas, you know what? Fuck a bitch. Fuck women fat or skinny. Fuck a girl who got a big nigga dick swingin’ in front of em but they ain’t bitin’ like the fish that they is. Newstyle you wanted an update, here it is mothafucka.

You know how you go out to a club and try and get a holla at a bitch and she don’t holla back? Use the words “fuck em” right in front of they bitch faces and see what happens. You’ll get their motherfuckin’ attention and then what? Turn your face around and kick dust at em as you move on to the next girl. If that girl gon’ fuck around and say ‘no’…use the previous act that you dun dun and get to the next girl…cause there’s millions of tricks out there. You’re bound to get one playa. Don’t dwell on one girl cause they don’t know shit what you got to offer.

Matter of fact, get yo bitch for the night, and that’s it. Kick her ass OUT. I know I’m talkin’ some 1995 shit but the booze take this shit out a nigga and a nigga gotta write shit down ya hurd?

Good night, sleep tight, skeet so hard you hit the light.

Yo, you might have noticed that your boy BigEddieEd ain’t tryna be no motherfucking fan of that nigga Steve Jobs. I mean, I been hating on the shit he producing for days, but today I’m gonna hit you with some new shit. Yeah, today is the motherfucking day that I am gonna offer some constructive ass critiques about that motherfucking iPod Nano bullshit.

The nano was hot for like a month when Niggas amazed that they could get all they Pete Rock Petestrumentals on a shiny new grip that ain’t no thicker than that motherfucking CD Changer remote yah niggas used to live by in like 1996. Shouts down, or up, or where ever the fuck they gotta go, to my nigga Makaveli (If you don’t know, that’s Tupac, white motherfuckers - show some motherfucking respect). Here’s how the motherfucking Nano looked when that shit was semi-blazing on the street:

I mean, it ain’t bad but its still some bitch-made ass bullshit - and that shifty motherfucker Steve Jobs KNEW that shit. Apple always be putting out some shit only to change how the fuck it looks like a year later. That pasty motherfucker Steve Jobs can’t live without changing shit.. except for that crusty ass black turtleneck and them 1989 stonewash jeans. I mean, for real - change your damn clothes. Nigga got a closet full of the same shit like he the star of that bullshit ass TV show, Monk. Varietize nigga, for serious - but here’s how the fuck he change the motherfucking Nano:

Heres how it go: Apple always taking a stale product, change the color or some bullshit, then the motherfuckers re-release it with a higher price tag. Them changes ain’t worth shit neither. I mean, fuck an aluminum case, and fuck them round-shaped earbuds. That shit is played the fuck out and its already been done time and time again my niggas. They need to take they ass back to the original design and start right the fuck from there.

I felt bad for the motherfuckers so I decided to give them some shit to think about - a design that is truly bedazzled. So motherfucking bedazzled that I’d throw my motherfucking stolen credit cards out the windows and buy the shit with my own shit. Behold, Niggas:

The iPod NiggaNano - coming to stores whenever the fuck that nigga Steve Jobs wakes the fuck up and trades in that motherfucking mime outfit for a throwback. Oh yeah and before I’m out on this shit, let me tell you motherfuckers that these opinions is my own and all the accusations is pure allegations. Come up with your own motherfucking conclusions. One yourself bitches.

Holla at ya motherfucking boy cuz this nigga back from a little hiatus and right now Imma hit you with some of this real technology for you to drop that hardearned green on, you understand. I been noticing that a pattern arising on this tech game - my nigga Eddie Ed get at you with that in depth analysis of some general technological issues about whats popping from this site all the gotdamn way to that island with all them sleepyhead ninentendo fucks with they hentai and fucking wack ass television shows with all they fruity colors. But TLRNY comes with that hot product that you probably caint afford any goddamn way unless you name is Thomas Wellington III or Lao Xi Wang or some queer bullshit like that. Jea, but who give a fuck, nigga not me. I give yall some shit to ask Santa for or to chase that paper moving tony on the strip for so either way itll be a white Christmas, yunderstand.

This first product is fucking raw son. I could write about some hot jack or some homo iPod accessory - but you had enough of that. I bring that shit that you and ya dudes aint gonna see in ya local Radio Shack or Target when you browsing the merchandise and they holding heat to the nigga head behind the counter. So lemme present the SensorfreshQ. Now Imma tell you the truth. I dont know how I feel about this grip. That name sound gay. I’m not even gonna play. It sound like something you gonna find in a bathroom in the Lower East Side that Carlos gonna use to tickle Chad ass with. But lemme tell you niggas what this shit is. This bullshit tell you if meat is rotten, in case you too fucking stupid to figure that shit out yaself. It got three lights on that shit: Green, for It Okay To Stuff That Week old Kennedy Fried Chicken into Ya Fat Ass, Yellow, for You Got a Day to Eat that Shit or You Better Goddamn Hope You Got Health Insurance, and Red for Dont Fucking Eat That Shit Nigga or You Gone Die and That Nigga Across the Hall Gone Smell Ya Ass A Week Later. Okay, this shit not a bad idea if you fucking blind or you cant smell or you wear a bicycle helmet when you not on a bike. But nigga, for serious, why spend $89.95 on this shit when that common sense you learned in third grade before you dropped out tell you that you shouldnt be serving that beef at a cookout that if it been sitting in ya fridge since 1997. Goddamn nigga. See it that kind of stupid ass idea for a product that make me think that only white folk is gonna purchase this shit. But then again, if we talking about the same white dudes that be sipping they frapuccino, writing short stories, wearing sandals and jerking they friends off to protest the president - the white folk Niggaknow usually be hating on - these caucazoid niggas probably dont eat meat any gotdamn way. They eat tofu and shit, nigga, you know that. So who the fuck gonna be buying this product?

The answer: Sleepyheads. Why? Because they got to worry about that motherfucking chicken flu or that Sars or they son getting sick so he cant get to that SAT study session on time. Okay now Imma be sick. Be easy.