Whats goodie niggas.

I knows ya nigga knows ya music. I know when you been on the strip all day and you done earn yourself a grip you get to the record store and cop the newest album from ya favorite artists, and that you dont go home, fire up that Z100, brings out some cheetos for your fat faggot ass, and start downloading some club bangers made by some fake niggas offa itunes for your pink ipod, or so you can bang them shits like them red faced, sandal and collared-shirt wearing, backwards-white-Red-Sox cap-over-a-cheap-ass fade-rocking, Irish-German caucasian niggas named shit like Chadfordley and Kyle when they rolling past they old daycare center in the suburbs of Whitesville, OH, thinking they mad gutter and the hardest shit out while they flipping they two fingered hand signs at the cameras. WHY ALL THESE GOOFY ASS WHITE MOTHERFUCKERS LOOK AND DRESS THE SAME?

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If you grimy ass niggas remember what TLRNY used to be about, you knows he been reviewing all them white technologies -and since he be spending so much motherfucking time in Whitemanhattan he always spying them homo, starving Anglo-Saxon faggots with they fat fuckin heads and they big clown ass haircuts on the bus or on the train looking like they that dick-loving, bitch-ass, Dave Matthews swagger-jacking, homo-motherfucking-sexual James Blunt, or that self-hating, blazer wearing bougie nigga from them absolutely F-A-G-G-O-T - Ass ‘Whudafuxup’ commercials.

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Hey you faggot-ass ADD having impatient Cho Seung Hui looking goonie niggas, the Last Real New Yorker is back. You want to know why he been missing in action like Jon Motherfucking Benet? Cuz a nigga need to chase paper by any means and if that mean puttin his dumb ass on the motherfucking F train and going to work in Whitemanhattan every day to earn a dollar so he can feed his bitch and her sister Boston Market and Kennedy Fried Chicken or else that nigga pussy river gonna run dry, then a nigga need to earn a fucking dollar.

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First things first: Imma explain this picture brief like that guy posing as Ben Ferguson in the comments when he with a transvestite hooker behind that gas station under the F train. Lemme explain: this fucking faggot is not only pissed cuz his fake name is Ferguson, and that he 45 years old and has to clean the toilets that some fresh outta CUNY Brooklyn young niggas with flashy smiles - who make more paper in a week than Fake Benjamin sees in a motherfucking year - just fucking dropped some rock hard lincoln logs in. He also pissed that he ain’t never seen pussy that wasn’t paid for and smelling like rotten motherfucking rat shit in a motherfucking minute, and he gotta settle for a mexican bitch named “Chrissie” who has a motherfucking dick and a set of sandpaper brown balls (no homo), in the back of the 1987 Toyota, and even then he can’t get his little fag dick up and when he do he busts a nut in 46 seconds as soon as Raoul, I mean Chrissie, touches her mustache to Fake Benjamin’s stomach. Eat a dick, “Ben,” you Max Hardcore looking cheap ass clown, and all you other WWF watching, Walmart hopping, overweight motherfuckers who done forgot what it’s like to be loved by a pussy that wasn’t immediately related to you. Faggots.

Anyways, for all you loyal Niggaknow soldiers, here what the Last Real New Yawker think bout the Wii. You motherfuckers is all probably saying, “How is it, that these negroes, who show their love for expensive video game systems attached to the interior of their vehicles all the time on Black Entertainment Television and on that show ‘Pimp My Ride’ with that Exhibit character, have not mentioned any of them on this website?” Well I can’t speak for my nigga Eddie Ed but I can speak for my god damn self. First off: the PS3 is $599. That some thick paper right there, and I’m not tryna wind up in the cage after I stick up some sleepyhead for that shit after creeping with my nigga in his conspicuous-ass white Navigator and scoping out some malls in Teaneck, NJ. And I’m not standing on line with some fat white parents in baggy Fruit of the Loom t-shirts with they whiny little whiny white kids for six weeks to buy some bullshit that don’t got any hot games or any hot features besides that Blu-Ray bullshit. And until they got Kobe Tai on them Blu-Ray disks, what the fuck do I need Blu-Ray for, nah mean? What about the XBox 360? What about that shit nigga, I got my reasons for not having that shit, and I’m not gonna talk about it right now. Then what about the Wii? Why didn’t none of yall Niggaknow niggas drop some shit about the Wii? Maybe Eddie Ed will give yall a real review.

But here’s why I’m not going near that shit:

- As motherfucking usual, them faggot Pearl Harbor sleepyheads at Nintendo who pay money to sleep naked next to them 14 year old bitches dropped a whole lineup of gay motherfucking games. That’s my first problem: this Wii shit not catered to niggas. Oh, damn, TLRNY, you may say, that’s what you always say about EVERYTHING. This shit, that shit, none of this shit real enough for a nigga. Whatever, nicca, look at this shit and tell me I’m wrong.

Okay, TLRNY, you prolly thinking. What about them games like Red Steel? That shit be real violent. You can buck Hiroshimoshi niggas or slice they faces with samurai swords and shit. What you think bout that shit, TLRNY?

- Lemme respond with this image cuz i dont feel like writing shit

Look at them white motherfuckers flailing they arms, dancing around being mad intent and shit, bonding and shit over a motherfucking game where they control little girls with big ass heads and no arms. But WHO CARES IF YOU LOOK MOTHERFUCKING RETARDED? That Nintendo Wii be real motherfucking hip! You know why? Cuz of that fat caucazoid nigga in the leather beret. Which brings me to my last point.

-WHY THE FUCK EVERYTHING GOT TO BE COLORED WHITE NOWADAYS TO SELL THEY PRODUCTS. THAT SHIT AINT BEING ARTSY, YOU FUCKING HOMOS. GODDAMN.

That shit look a little too much like them lily cloud white iPods. You know what I feel about them iPods.

Any damn way niggas thats my two cents, nah mean. Maybe Eddie Ed gonna drop some shit bout this. Meanwhile, fuck that fake nigga Ben or whatever.

Okay okay okay. The Last Real New Yawker back. If you ever come through South Side QB boro you gonna see why ya nigga been too caught up with his shit and his peoples to be writing these posts more regular like he should. I don’t fuck with them cubicles with one of them fag ass Garfield calendars on my wall you dig. My name not Brad nigga, my name not Brad.

But anyways, up in that faggot little brain of yours hiding under your caesar, you thinking, “well now you gonna come with a review of some homo product that every pasty hipster in Minnesota be dying to grip, right?” Nah playa not today, not today. Today Imma bring it a little different. The other morning I was browsing CNN.com looking for some follow up on the shit that comes spewing out John Kerry three foot long face, and what did a nigga spy, but a article called “Hip-hop gets its game on.” Now this no usual ass piece where some sushi-eating “down” 34 year old white boys be trying to express they appreciation for black culture and all that, like them shaggy haired 90 pound NYU students that wonder why they keep getting robbed cuz they think they got the right to be living on 136th and Broadway cuz they “understand.” This a piece about some of a nigga favorite things: video games, motherfucking music, and stomping a nigga head on the subway for whatever reason. My nigga, you saying, hip hop and video games, they complete opposites! No pizza faced scrawny faggot wearing braces and jerking off three times a hour to tentacle anime porn gonna have anything to do with the streets and no nigga who working the strip gonna come home after a long day and fire up that level 78 dwarf magician, nah mean. But don’t get me wrong: video games not only for Koreans. I mean, theres a difference between shit like NBA Live and Dungeonquest or whatever the fuck, or GTA: San Andreas and some fruity Asian Final Fantasy game where some dick with pointy blonde hair and capris be taking turns with a nigga with a fucking gatling gun on his arm to attack some big ass monster that look like a giant nut sack.

So this article about one of them new Def Jam fighting games that be coming out for the next generation consoles. So what makes this shit any different from the other games? Why I be talking about it? Apparently, them niggas over at Def Jam Interactive and EA saying that in this motherfucker, “Music plays a much bigger role in this title than in the past two.” Apparently, whatever music that bumping whether it from the west coast, the east coast, Chitown or the ATL, influences the environment that you got Method Man beating the shit outta Paul Wall in. So the game will have shit like - I’m not making this up, this is what them retards over at CaucasianNewsNetwork saying - a car wash that operates to the beat of the music, that you can throw bitch ass niggas like Jibbs into. “Each song played in each environment will open up unique interactions.” What the fuck does that mean? I never heard anything so motherfucking vague, son. But, anyways, then you can like download ya own music and get Mobb Deep bumping during ya fights.

Lemme tell you a couple motherfucking things. First off, before they come out, games always say they do innovative ass shit like this. The Jungle Book II video game probably said in some AsianFaggotWeekly gaming magazine they was gonna have some hot ass disembowelment technology so you can play as that crazy bear nigga and rip heads off cracked out monkeys, but then that game release two months later and that shit sucked so much big black nigga dick that it didn’t even sell to six year olds wearing bike helmets in wheelchairs. Second off, the bitch who heads Def Jam Interactive. Guess what her name is? Joanna Jackson? Khadijah Jones? Nah nigga, motherfucking Lauren Wirtzer. How the fuck they trying to push a product featuring the music and the likenesses of the black man, talking about “Gaming is almost intrinsic in hip-hop,” and “Every artist who goes on the road is going to have some sort of PlayStation or Xbox on their tour bus. It goes hand in hand,” when you a 45 year old Jewish bitch from Connecticut? This game is some fake ass shit and is probably gonna not bring nothing new to the table as usual, just having some run of the mill industry niggas fucking up Paul Wall, again. Why not play one of them Japanese games where the girls got they own technology, that makes they titties bounce realistically? Fuck this def jam interactive bullshit.

Holla at ya motherfucking boy cuz this nigga back from a little hiatus and right now Imma hit you with some of this real technology for you to drop that hardearned green on, you understand. I been noticing that a pattern arising on this tech game - my nigga Eddie Ed get at you with that in depth analysis of some general technological issues about whats popping from this site all the gotdamn way to that island with all them sleepyhead ninentendo fucks with they hentai and fucking wack ass television shows with all they fruity colors. But TLRNY comes with that hot product that you probably caint afford any goddamn way unless you name is Thomas Wellington III or Lao Xi Wang or some queer bullshit like that. Jea, but who give a fuck, nigga not me. I give yall some shit to ask Santa for or to chase that paper moving tony on the strip for so either way itll be a white Christmas, yunderstand.

This first product is fucking raw son. I could write about some hot jack or some homo iPod accessory - but you had enough of that. I bring that shit that you and ya dudes aint gonna see in ya local Radio Shack or Target when you browsing the merchandise and they holding heat to the nigga head behind the counter. So lemme present the SensorfreshQ. Now Imma tell you the truth. I dont know how I feel about this grip. That name sound gay. I’m not even gonna play. It sound like something you gonna find in a bathroom in the Lower East Side that Carlos gonna use to tickle Chad ass with. But lemme tell you niggas what this shit is. This bullshit tell you if meat is rotten, in case you too fucking stupid to figure that shit out yaself. It got three lights on that shit: Green, for It Okay To Stuff That Week old Kennedy Fried Chicken into Ya Fat Ass, Yellow, for You Got a Day to Eat that Shit or You Better Goddamn Hope You Got Health Insurance, and Red for Dont Fucking Eat That Shit Nigga or You Gone Die and That Nigga Across the Hall Gone Smell Ya Ass A Week Later. Okay, this shit not a bad idea if you fucking blind or you cant smell or you wear a bicycle helmet when you not on a bike. But nigga, for serious, why spend $89.95 on this shit when that common sense you learned in third grade before you dropped out tell you that you shouldnt be serving that beef at a cookout that if it been sitting in ya fridge since 1997. Goddamn nigga. See it that kind of stupid ass idea for a product that make me think that only white folk is gonna purchase this shit. But then again, if we talking about the same white dudes that be sipping they frapuccino, writing short stories, wearing sandals and jerking they friends off to protest the president - the white folk Niggaknow usually be hating on - these caucazoid niggas probably dont eat meat any gotdamn way. They eat tofu and shit, nigga, you know that. So who the fuck gonna be buying this product?

The answer: Sleepyheads. Why? Because they got to worry about that motherfucking chicken flu or that Sars or they son getting sick so he cant get to that SAT study session on time. Okay now Imma be sick. Be easy.

Eyo so I get back from vacation and I hops up on this site and what does a nigga spy: some shit about that anorexic snow white creepy prowling motherfucker John Mark Karr that make that faggot down syndrome Carmello-twin looking R. Kelly and that starving Jewish nigga Woody Allen look like they balling way over the statutory age limit and lapping at ya grandmamas ass because John Mark Karr fucks them babies, yunderstand what I’m saying. But for real homie that ain’t technology, even though that shit hilarious because that pasty nigga couldn’t look more like he hit them 2 year olds even if he had that shit tatted on his forehead so I just had to get up on this shit and bring yall up to speed on some real technology, nahm sayin. I mean John Mark Karr don’t got much to do with technology unless you consider how much that nigga look like this other nigga.

So what the Last Real New Yorker do, he gets at you with them reviews of them real products, yundastand - and today Im all about this XPC X100 by Shuttle, whoever the fuck they is. Now this ain’t no regular fucking PC - what hot about this grip is that it small, nah mean. Now if you’se a nigga and not a coffee house Negro, you can appreciate a small personal computer, nah mean, because you would never be caught on ya block with a laptop, and more to the point you sure caint afford no laptop nigga if you working at McDonalds when eryone knows they run at about two thousand bills. Apparently this shit can fit in a motherfucking cereal box - so you can either drop the $700-$1000 of your rent paper on this piece, conceal that shit in a Footlocker box and tell ya mens you copped them white on whites so they dont think you that type of nigga who reads and shit, and you can get at them kobe tai pics with ease, or, if you truly gully you can easily slip this shit in ya hoodie and be out of CompUSA or them Arab run tourist shops in Times Square that deal them miniature glass World Trade Centers and $4,000 digital cameras to stupid guilty white motherfuckers from Kansas, yuhderstand what Im saying. Plus it look like a game console so you can tell ya boys it a black Xbox 360 or whatever, nigga.

Now I know what you gone axe- you like, how can a computer that like 2 inches thick be powerful enough to even power up that Firefox so you can stream them high def photos of Ms. Tai pussy inna ya brain. So for you niggas that care to know, here the stats: there two models, a $700 grip and one for $1000. The $1000 one got a 250-gigabyte hard drive, a 4-in-1 memory card reader, whatever the motherfuck that is, “a ATI Radeon X1400 graphics processor and 7.1 channel surround-sound audio outputs.” Don’t know what that shit about, so ask ya local Asian, but I bet you can hold a billion of them stolen mp3s and you can blare that Kelly Clarkson all day, you faggot.

If you not retarded or from Iowa then as quick as I hit you boughie ass motherfuckers with this next technology bit you gone say “I cant believe these niggas done took two things that polar motherfucking opposites and made them fit snug like Spring Thomas on fat midnight dick” That’s right: them Mongolian child laboring niggas at Nike who been providing the streets with the toughest gear for centuries done teamed the fuck up with the those fruity caucazoid motherfuckers at apple who been providing that white homeboy Tom with as many iPods and iMacs to ensure that he write the gayest poetry and listen to the most Strokes joints before he get kicked the hell out Jamba Juice every night. I never seen Nike and iPod within a hunned feet of each other, nah mean. For serious the last time I seen products of them two companies even on the same BLOCK, I seen eight pairs of black Air Force 1s and one white apple ipod nano - and guess what motherfucker there was a robbery.

But you prolly gone be like, “eyo now Nike soft teaming the hell up with Apple.” You goddamn right, nigga. Because this new technology is straight up for white folks only. Lemme tell you why. If you got an iPod nano, and some of these “specially designed” Nike running shoes, “sold separately,” then you can hook them two fucking things up - and the iPod grip gonna tell your fat ass how fast you moving through Central Park and how long your strides is, and if that shit wasn’t gay enough it gonna be like a training partner telling you through your headphones worthless ass shit like ya time, distance, speed, and all that bullshit that white bitches need to know about so they can gauge how much or how little of they lettuce and walnut lunch to throw the hell up when they get back to they Manhattan apartment. Apparently this shit mad light so you dont feel it and it cost a buck thirty for the kit and the shoe, the shoe running about a hunned bills, the kit thirty, and dont axe me how the fuck much an iPod nano cost cuz you know I don’t play that shit. Also you can hook this shit up to ya PC or MACINTOSH and upload that data about your run. But for real who the fuck does that shit?

And I dont got to explain why no colored folks is gonna get at this technology. Go to Central Park and find me a black or latin motherfucker with this an iPod nano, this grip or those fucking shits strapped to his biceps right next to a tribal band tattoo and Imma grab a iPod, bring my damn self to Sports Authority, cop them special ed ass sneakers, pick up some hummus at Whole Foods, then maybe eat a motherfucking dick. The only data a nigga need to know is points, rebounds and assists, nah mean.

Before you niggas get on my dick about putting up another post about them jacks, lemme tell you bitch niggas that this Samsung SCH-A990 grip aint like nothing you ever seen, and for real nigga, dont be acting like you making mad paper and tell me that $350 for this piece ain’t really a bargain. You like Tony Yayo talking bout getting paid like a motherfucker but you living in a one bedroom condo in Queens with them Sopranos extras and garbage men and you still got 24 years on ya mortgage. YOU BROKE NIGGA.

Any fucking way, what make this product tough is that it THREE in ONE. Lemme start off by asking you niggas this question: how many of you got a digital camera? No, not a goddamn camera phone, but a real motherfucking digital ass camera that you PURCHASED legitimately with your OWN paper and that a white motherfucker named Todd isn’t missing? “Ay FUCK you, nigga,” you may retort, “I look gay to you?” EXACTLY, motherfucker. I aint never seen a nigga on the block gripping some digital camera so he can take pictures of his mens in pink popped collars flipping them peace signs so he can post them gay ass pictures of his adventures in the big minority-filled New York City on Flickr so his dudes back in Whitesville, West Virginia, can think he hard and urban for being in some hot and homo Brooklyn “nabe,” or a nigga standing in front of a mirror with his hair over his right eye, tryna look as gay as motherfucking possible for his mySpace. (Don’t believe me motherfucker? do a search for a nigga named Tyrone or Jamaal on mySpace and like only three of them motherfuckers is black and all three them niggas not holding the camera at no gay ass angle or standing in a mirror or wearing eye shadow, nah mean) Maybe them college age niggas do, but the realest niggas aint using them digital cameras to capture they likeness; they got that shit covered by them security cameras at the bodega.

But this Samsung grip is 3.2 megapixels, nigga! And it in a phone! The fuck you need more than 3 megapixels - whatever the fuck a megapixel is - anyways, unless you some white 23 year old art student named Brian? You can snap them digitals or take AN HOUR OF VIDEO of whatever the fuck you want - you and some Puerto Rican bitch knocking them knees without that rubber, some crazy young Harlem niggas fucking up NYU students, whatever, nigga, without ya mens thinking “man I bet this gay nigga gone go home to the lower east side, upload them photos to his mySpace off that digital camera over a plate of walnut tofu, then paint a picture.” You can then hook this shit up to ya flat screen and get the boning with Maria Ruiz up on the HD. Or you can edit them photos and share them shits with a nigga uptown so a nigga can know what make color and model of whip to run up on when it hit they block . Or you can print them pics wirelessly. BUT WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU WANT TO unless you want them images of your dick popping outta every printer in some Whitemanhattan Kinkos for ennatainment, nah mean. This shit overwhelming!!!!

And if them functions ain’t enough for you, and you a suit wearing greasy motherfucking Manhattan corporate Pochahontas raping white motherfucker, get this: you can scan business cards on this motherfucker. Like you niggas need that. And a piece of paper with a nigga name who you know moving that yayo and a Marcy Houses apartment ain’t no business card.

What about the other two functions? Take a motherfucking guess, you retarded Lil’ Wayne looking motherfucker. One: it makes calls. It works with that Bluetooth bullshit too. And you can do some of that high speed networking… so you can download them hot tracks by that young nigga JR Writer… or maybe when you bored on the elevated you can get at them photos of KOBE TAI you been looking for.

Be easy my niggas.

I know you motherfuckers can feel me on this one: so I gots some classic Kobe Tai getting some motherfucking rock dick in some Crouching Tiger position, shown in motherfucking HD up on my flat screen. But I’m not feeling that Yanni soundtrack they got in the back and I’m feeling some motherfucking B.I.G. instead. So I turn down the volume on that DVD I got playing and play that classic Dead Wrong fire, nah mean, cuz that beat up on that shit more in line with Kobe Tai getting motherfucking devastated than some homo-ass, poetry reading, Seattle frappuccino shop Kenny G. music. Then I gots the motherfucking microwave on tryna reheat some of that lo mein I copped up on Hillside Avenue in Jamaica Queens two days ago, nah mean. Then I got that fan running on full cuz it hot as a motherfucker, and my rent goddamn high enough without no air conditioning.

So I got this Asian bitch moaning like its motherfucking Nanjing 1937, I got some Biggie coming out that speaker like a earthquake, and I got some loud whirring coming out them appliances. So if you not a retarded motherfucker, you may say, damn all that shit must be LOUD NIGGA, or if you a white motherfucker trying to conversate while you on the line at Starbucks, you may axe, “How do you keep track of all those wonderful commodities, motherfucker?” Or better yet, how you gonna turn all that shit down when your grandmama call so you dont gotta explain why it sound like a bitch getting raped in ya house by a bunch of them motorcycle riding, leather wearing, homothug Laurence Fishburne niggas from Biker Boyz?

The answer simple, motherfucker. The SRU9600, ($150) dropping next month, is one of them universal remotes with mad motherfucking codes already programmed up into that shit, so you don’t need to program codes into this bitch and you can control all ya electronics without getting your fat monkey ass up out your chair. Now you may axe, I AINT NEVER HEARD ABOUT PROGRAMMING NO NERDY ASS MOTHERFUCKING CODES INTO A REMOTE CONTROL IN THE FIRST PLACE. But apparently those Shawn Bradley looking white niggas over at Sharper Image been had these types of things on the market for a while - all you had to do was cop one of these gay “learning” remotes and no matter what electronic shit you had up in ya house, you could make them do whatever complicated shit you wanted with one remote, by pointing ya shit at the machine or appliance and entering motherfucking codes, and that shit would control anything you fucking wanted, you dig. BUT MY NIGGA, you may interject, I DONT KNOW THE FIRST MOTHERFUCKING THING ABOUT CODING. Ay man, I know that, get off my dick. I know you aint no motherfucking 60 pound Asian kid named Tommy Cho.

Thats what this SRU9600 from Sharper Image is all about, nah mean. All you gotta do is select on this motherfucker’s nifty LSD screen what make and model of electronics you wants to be operating. Then this shit can control up to 8 devices at the same motherfucking time, you dig! Then you don’t needs to be using 8 remotes to be rewinding Kobe Tai so she be doing that handstand over and over; with one of these motherfucking nerd sticks you can put that shit on MUTE and you can be pausing that B.I.G. track and you can stop all that whirr.ing so your grandmama don’t think you no homo biker rapist, nah mean. And this shit only $150. That more than worth it if you can use this motherfucker when you walking through some white ass neighborhood in Manhattan and be switching channels through windows so little blonde kids suddenly be watching that Spice Channel instead of that Sponge Bob. Next thing you know these motherfuckers be controlling the universe, nah mean, and you point one of these things at a breezie in a summer dress and *CLICK CLACK* that summer dress gone.

Adam Sandler should get at this new technology. He should be using this shit instead of making these dumb fucking movies like this shit below: