Dear NiggaKnow,

My ex-fiance ran off with 3 of my childhood friends for a weekend in St. Croix while we were STILL ENGAGED. None of them punk ass white motherfuckers bothered to tell the bitch no or even tell me where the fuck she went. 4 months later, cracker gets drunk and spills guts. Then he acts like I shouldn't be pissed. What's up? I can't 187 their ass but I know these motherfuckers don't need an explanation. Get at me.

Elevent

Dear weak pimp hand havin ass motherfucker,

God damn you got fucked over. This is why ya nigga Gumby always says fuck all that buying a bitch a diamond ring bullshit. I mean if you decided to make one of your breezies your main bitch, that's gravy, but if you put a damn ring on that finger you might as well kiss half your Jordan's away now nigga. Plus, some bitches get scared away by all that "trying to take it to the next level" type shit even though they been hinting at it for years. But after that "187" comment I'm thinking your bitch ran off with your boys for using too much early 90's slang.

Any damn way, you might think you need to get at them 3 motherfuckers for banging your girl, but you going at this all wrong. Off the top, your ass needs to get off all that bitch made white boy "bros before hos" bullshit, this ain't they fault nigga. Afterall, it's in a man's nature to slang dick to any bitch who wants it and doesn't resemble a damn mastodon with Down Syndrome. Nah son, place all that hatred on that sneaky ass bitch chasing dick and racking up them frequent flier miles while doing it.

Actually nigga, this all your damn fault for not keeping that breezy in line. Normally I'd say if you don't come correct with them bitch management tactics then your ass should stick to having a stable a bitches and forget all that engagment ring type shit. The most you should be dishing out to a bitch for being up on her job is a whopper with cheese after you dig it out behind the dumpster at Burger King (holla at the CEO nigga MikeNyce for that tip). However, you seem to be that 'I just need one bitch' type dude, so we gon' have to handle this differently.

The reason why that bitch ran off with your 3 boys is because she knew she could. And how she knew this is because you're probably a nice guy and bitches don't like nice guys, they like a nigga who gon' treat them like the jankie ass hos they are. This can be accomplished by simply never paying attention when a bitch is talking, and only calling her at 3am when you need some drunken post-club pussy. But if that just ain't your personality, then you gon' have to find some other way to keep a bitch on lock.

Labels: bitches, white motherfuckers

Dear NiggaKnow,

What do you think the hip-hop scene would look like if Tupac and B.I.G.were still around today?

White Motherfucker

Dear white dude who wore FUBU in the 90's,

You ain't really seeking no advice from a nigga, but I can see where this shit got you hurting, especially with today being the 10th anniversy of Biggie's death. The hip hop game has been all fucked up since they've been gone. Them two niggas dying allowed motherfuckers to get away with some crazy shit. For instance, Mannie Fresh playing a damn harpsichord on them Cash Money albums, and a nigga like DMX selling millions by literally barking on tracks. Who knew making some fucking animal sounds entertained white motherfuckers so much?

On top of all that shit, pussy ass niggas have infested hip hop. Not just the music itslef, but in the overall mentality of these motherfuckers. It used to be that when two rap game niggas were beefin shit would get solved by busting a few shots. But how it works now is if one "hip hop artist" has a problem with another "hip hop artist" he'll write a fucking song about him on a mixtape, like he some damn angry female singer-songwriter that's been 'scorned by a former lover' or some shit.

I just can't picture Tupac and B.I.G. in today's rap game though. Biggie would have had like three heart attacks by now if that nigga didn't do something drastic with his weight. And you can bet your ass (and them Karl Kani jeans you probably still got on it) that greedy nigga Diddy would have had B.I.G.'s stomach stapled with a gold Bad Boy medallion.

As far as Tupac goes, niggas still think that motherfucker IS in the rap game. Not only is he steady pushing albums like yay in blue tops, but niggas swear they see him all the time around the hood, like pieces of food that look like Jesus sold to dumb white motherfuckers on Ebay. You also got to keep in mind that 'Pac and B.I.G. would be like 40 by now, that's 73 in rap years.

They'd still be controlling the hip hop game if they were around though. You know they wouldn't have allowed niggas like Cam'ron to run around ass out wearing all that pink gear. That nigga looks like a gay eskimo. And bitch made motherfuckers wouldn't have dared to sell out and show they face in them ads for fucking skin care product.

Shit, selling out is probably the main thing Tupac and B.I.G. would have affected. You ain't gon' hear "Juicy" in a Kool Aid ad, or some white motherfucker say "have it your way" in a Burger King commercial while "How do you want it" plays in the background. We can only hope that 'Pac would have been able to stop Snoop from disgracing himself in a Chrysler commercial with that white motherfucker Lee Iacocca.

Labels: hip hop

Dear NiggaKnow,

So this guy's been all over the news lately - http://www.icantbelieveimstillsingle.com/.

He was also in salon magazine today talking some real crazy shit- http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2007/02/08/eric_schaeffer/index.html

What do you make of guys like him? And what advice do you have for us single women in dealing with guys like this?

Keeping it real, Emily

Dear dizzy ass bitch,

First off, NiggaKnow might be the last fucking place you should look to find quality dating tips related to white motherfuckers. On the real, I didn't even know white breezies had bigger problems than which Mercedes they dad was going to buy for the 'Super Sweet Sixteen' party, or whatever other sheltered-ass Candy Land bullshit ya'll celebrate. I mean aside from what I saw in that bitch made Jerry Maguire movie (look nigga, them 165th street bootlegging Jamaicans done fucked up my copy of "ATL", aight?), I don't know shit about dating white motherfuckers.

However, this is the advice jumpoff at NiggaKnow. And aside from some dude that's lost in an episode of "HBO Presents: Hookers at the Point" and a white motherfucker who's probably that creepy ass nigga Steve Jobs trying to reinvent slavery through tech blogs (this ain't the Amistad motherfucker), we haven't had too many other questions around this bitch, so we gon' handle your little Cinderalla dilemma.

I can see where your whole dating white motherfuckers world was turned upside down after copping information off them two links you holding. This motherfucker is crazy; like Chappelle + $50 million crazy. Just take a look at a few statements made by the dude who 'can't believe he's still single':

You mean actually sticking it in for two seconds and having her run and tell her mother that this isn't a good game anymore?

We were both kissing, and then it got stuck in and then...you know, I fucked my little guy friends when I was 6.

I was both top and bottom. These were friends! We would crawl under the covers and play bat cave and somehow a dick would end up in someone's ass.

"Damn" is right nigga.

So now you want to find out how to handle dating guys like this? How the fuck should I know when even YOU don't really know what you want from a man? Bitches, specifically white breezies, are hypocrites. You might say you like a man who's honest, but then when you hear something that doesn't fit into that knight in shining armor bullshit fantasy you get all fucked up and want to cut ties with a nigga.

Look here bitch, you ain't gon' find a man who doesn't have a shady past. Maybe not no weak ass white boy "I fucked my little guy friends" type shit, but there's been more than a few bitches that didn't find ya nigga Gumby so "sweet" and "nice" once they found out my business plan used to include caving in white mothefuckers' skulls with a brick and taking they wallet.

Bottom line is that it's on you- decide whether you want a man who's open and honest about some real grimey shit in his past, or take a chance with some motherfucker that might seem perfect on the outside but is probably some crazy ass white serial killer type dude.

Labels: bitches, hip hop, white motherfuckers

Dear NiggaKnow,

Several nights ago an urge to bring some romance and long missed warm sentiments overcame me. I reached out to a dear longtime friend of mine, whom has grown with me both spiritually and romantically. After thanking her for the ride, I solicited a prostitute with a bangin' ass. The warm streetlight behind Dunkin Doughnuts illuminated my fingers as I used them to caress the open sore on her leg, while she sucked me off with her soft blistered lips. Suddenly I didn't feel the love I expected, I started feeling guilty about the price we agreed upon, so I got up and ran.

Her pimp caught a glimpse of my white ass running down the block, and jumped into his 79' Cadillac. Afraid of catching a beat down I ran even faster. I cut through some yards and lost him. When I got home I realized my wallet had fallen out behind double d's. I am now living my life in fear, should I go to the cops? Should I move? I'm afraid I may get a cap popped into my ass. Please help!

Pencil Dick

Dear scared ass whitey,

I don't know where the fuck you found a damn time machine at and went back to them days of when niggas was straight beastin on bitches in 79' Lacs, but I need to get my ass one of them time joints like Diddy needs new careers to fuck over. Speaking of that thieving nigga, if I had some of that time bending shit I'd use it to get my money back on my investments in Black Rob and Shyne's second albums and put all that paper into some .com jumpoff, like Google or Gaggle or whatever the fuck you white motherfuckers use to keep money from a nigga's pockets.

Any damn way, that "pimp" (which really degrades the pussy pusher industry by using such an archiac term) who apparently is Shaft personified only gives a fuck about two things: his paper, and which assault and battery techniques he can utilize to raise his capital gaines on a bitch. Basically if your ass didn't pay, that nigga raised the fuck up out of his 79' joint, gorilla punched ol' girl in the throat, and then found out that you dined and dashed. Now your future is all fucked up like them Danity Kane bitches. Seriously nigga, FUCK DIDDY.

You don't have the ability or balls to raise up on this nigga, and ain't no peace offering gon' happen with a nigga that wears a damn orange and green cape that says "Daddy Dollaz" on it and has a picture of a hammer hitting a bitch in the head. So we're going to have to stick to your two choices of the motherfucking police and moving.

Off the top, I'd have my blackness revoked if I told your ass to go down to the station and start blasting that story to them doughnut vacuums. Besides, going to the police might get your wallet back, but it wont prevent you from getting a fist wrapped in a four-finger gold ring with the word "Oppression" on it repeatedly smashed into your sinus cavity and a pair of size 14 red and purple gators stomping your pelvic bone flat. So fuck all that going to the police bullshit.

I guess moving might be the right move for you. Afterall, you white motherfuckers know all about leaving your problems behind and setting up shop somwhere else. Without the white man's natural instincts to run and hide when problems arise you motherfuckers probably would have never "found" America in the first place. So do you nigga- run and hide, because at least your constant fear of being found wont be half as bad as getting a pimp cup surgically removed from your colon. Just be sure to check that peep hole when there's a knock at the door on moving day.

Labels: pimps, white motherfuckers

Dear NiggaKnow,

Do you have any interest in a white motherfucker guest contributor?

White Motherfucker

What kind of white conspiracy shit is this?

Oh I get it, you're on that 'reverse racism' tip where you try to find hypocrisy in how black folks act and are treated right? "Hey, if THEY can do it, why can't WE?" Fuck all that noise. Look here nigga, ya'll fucked up a few hundred years ago, and I ain't give a fuck about no 40 acres and a mule bullshit. What the fuck would I do with that? You can't put Sprewell's on no damn mule.

Still though, we are entitled to a small amount of them reparations by being able to say and do shit that you white motherfuckers can't, and I ain't even talking about no "only we can say nigga" type shit; Kramer already fucked that up for you motherfuckers. I'm talking about more important shit, like hitting you up on this motherfucking site with that hot tech shit without some bitch made white boss over our shoulders.

So I'll make a deal with your hostile take over plotting ass. You can ride with Nigga Know as soon as it's safe for me and the rest of the staff to drive through your neighbourhood without some Fat Nick type dude blasting a nigga's head open, nahmean?

Labels: white motherfuckers

Dear NiggaKnow,

I got a problem, and I need some light shed on this situation at my office. Some black light. I work for a company full of nerdy-ass bitches, my boss is a helmet-wearing retard that never leaves his office, and all I do all day every day is sit in front of a computer. I can't even look at porn because there's a glass door on my damn office. So anyways, this uppity ass bitch just got promoted and she's taking it out on everyone. Now I'm not about to put up with the bullshit she's shelling out (i'm white, but i'm not that white...plus, it's a fucking GIRL), but all I can do is this stupid passive-aggressive shit that doesn't actually mean shit. It's kinda hard to get that 'fuck you' emphasis when all I do is delete the email she sends me.

So I'm asking you. I'm begging you. What do I do? Do
I quit? Do I hide some raw shrimp in her chair? Do I slash her tires? Or do I just quit the job, rob the place and sell all the computers and cameras and shit on eBay?

John

Dear White Office Motherfucker,

So some trick ass bitch get herself a little closer to that glass ceiling and now you supposed to take shit all day? Nah, fuck that. If she ain't your boss and she trying to tell you what the fuck you got to do - then you got to tell her to fall the fuck back. Put a bitch in her place. I mean, I know its an office environment and shit but the rules of the street still apply in some respects. On the motherfucking street if some yapping ass cunt come up and start telling you some shit that you ain't tryna hear, you got to choke up on the bitch bat for real. Before she even get to her second hand wave or that third head shake, that bitch gonna get her motherfucking lights put the fuck out and its a wrap. One and one, nigga: one blow and one knocked out cunt who used to think she had some upperhand in your shit.

Well, you ain't working in the streets and I know you can't do no motherfucking violent shit like that in your motherfucking cubicles, but the principles is what its about nigga. If she ain't your motherfucking boss, you got to tell her in a professional manner, in perfect white motherfucker office speak that she need to shut the fuck up and stay on track with her own shit. You got the work you doing all day, and that cunt got papers to put in a motherfucking drawer and phones to answer.

Keep it real with your damn self.

One.

Labels: work

All us niggas on this site know that sometime there's some shit you just can't figure out for your damn self. What can you do? You can search, but you know Google and even Blackfind don't got every answer. There comes a time when you gotta realize you need some Nigga Advice.

This is an open invite for white motherfuckers, sleepyheads, and even some troubled ass niggas to come forward with some shit that they need an expert nigga opinion on. Holla at some knowledgeable ass niggas and we'll shed some motherfucking black on the subject.

One.