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Even Crazy White Motherfuckers Need Pussy, Stingy Bitch
Dropped Thursday, February 22, 2007 by That Nigga Gumby.
Dear NiggaKnow,
So this guy's been all over the news lately - http://www.icantbelieveimstillsingle.com/.
He was also in salon magazine today talking some real crazy shit- http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2007/02/08/eric_schaeffer/index.html
What do you make of guys like him? And what advice do you have for us single women in dealing with guys like this?
Keeping it real, Emily
Dear dizzy ass bitch,
First off, NiggaKnow might be the last fucking place you should look to find quality dating tips related to white motherfuckers. On the real, I didn't even know white breezies had bigger problems than which Mercedes they dad was going to buy for the 'Super Sweet Sixteen' party, or whatever other sheltered-ass Candy Land bullshit ya'll celebrate. I mean aside from what I saw in that bitch made Jerry Maguire movie (look nigga, them 165th street bootlegging Jamaicans done fucked up my copy of "ATL", aight?), I don't know shit about dating white motherfuckers.
However, this is the advice jumpoff at NiggaKnow. And aside from some dude that's lost in an episode of "HBO Presents: Hookers at the Point" and a white motherfucker who's probably that creepy ass nigga Steve Jobs trying to reinvent slavery through tech blogs (this ain't the Amistad motherfucker), we haven't had too many other questions around this bitch, so we gon' handle your little Cinderalla dilemma.
I can see where your whole dating white motherfuckers world was turned upside down after copping information off them two links you holding. This motherfucker is crazy; like Chappelle + $50 million crazy. Just take a look at a few statements made by the dude who 'can't believe he's still single':
You mean actually sticking it in for two seconds and having her run and tell her mother that this isn't a good game anymore?
We were both kissing, and then it got stuck in and then...you know, I fucked my little guy friends when I was 6.
I was both top and bottom. These were friends! We would crawl under the covers and play bat cave and somehow a dick would end up in someone's ass.
"Damn" is right nigga.
So now you want to find out how to handle dating guys like this? How the fuck should I know when even YOU don't really know what you want from a man? Bitches, specifically white breezies, are hypocrites. You might say you like a man who's honest, but then when you hear something that doesn't fit into that knight in shining armor bullshit fantasy you get all fucked up and want to cut ties with a nigga.
Look here bitch, you ain't gon' find a man who doesn't have a shady past. Maybe not no weak ass white boy "I fucked my little guy friends" type shit, but there's been more than a few bitches that didn't find ya nigga Gumby so "sweet" and "nice" once they found out my business plan used to include caving in white mothefuckers' skulls with a brick and taking they wallet.
Bottom line is that it's on you- decide whether you want a man who's open and honest about some real grimey shit in his past, or take a chance with some motherfucker that might seem perfect on the outside but is probably some crazy ass white serial killer type dude.
Labels: bitches, hip hop, white motherfuckers
Pimpin' Ain't Easy, But Scaring White Motherfuckers Is
Dropped Friday, February 16, 2007 by That Nigga Gumby.Dear NiggaKnow,
Several nights ago an urge to bring some romance and long missed warm sentiments overcame me. I reached out to a dear longtime friend of mine, whom has grown with me both spiritually and romantically. After thanking her for the ride, I solicited a prostitute with a bangin' ass. The warm streetlight behind Dunkin Doughnuts illuminated my fingers as I used them to caress the open sore on her leg, while she sucked me off with her soft blistered lips. Suddenly I didn't feel the love I expected, I started feeling guilty about the price we agreed upon, so I got up and ran.
Her pimp caught a glimpse of my white ass running down the block, and jumped into his 79' Cadillac. Afraid of catching a beat down I ran even faster. I cut through some yards and lost him. When I got home I realized my wallet had fallen out behind double d's. I am now living my life in fear, should I go to the cops? Should I move? I'm afraid I may get a cap popped into my ass. Please help!
Pencil Dick
Dear scared ass whitey,
I don't know where the fuck you found a damn time machine at and went back to them days of when niggas was straight beastin on bitches in 79' Lacs, but I need to get my ass one of them time joints like Diddy needs new careers to fuck over. Speaking of that thieving nigga, if I had some of that time bending shit I'd use it to get my money back on my investments in Black Rob and Shyne's second albums and put all that paper into some .com jumpoff, like Google or Gaggle or whatever the fuck you white motherfuckers use to keep money from a nigga's pockets.
Any damn way, that "pimp" (which really degrades the pussy pusher industry by using such an archiac term) who apparently is Shaft personified only gives a fuck about two things: his paper, and which assault and battery techniques he can utilize to raise his capital gaines on a bitch. Basically if your ass didn't pay, that nigga raised the fuck up out of his 79' joint, gorilla punched ol' girl in the throat, and then found out that you dined and dashed. Now your future is all fucked up like them Danity Kane bitches. Seriously nigga, FUCK DIDDY.
You don't have the ability or balls to raise up on this nigga, and ain't no peace offering gon' happen with a nigga that wears a damn orange and green cape that says "Daddy Dollaz" on it and has a picture of a hammer hitting a bitch in the head. So we're going to have to stick to your two choices of the motherfucking police and moving.
Off the top, I'd have my blackness revoked if I told your ass to go down to the station and start blasting that story to them doughnut vacuums. Besides, going to the police might get your wallet back, but it wont prevent you from getting a fist wrapped in a four-finger gold ring with the word "Oppression" on it repeatedly smashed into your sinus cavity and a pair of size 14 red and purple gators stomping your pelvic bone flat. So fuck all that going to the police bullshit.
I guess moving might be the right move for you. Afterall, you white motherfuckers know all about leaving your problems behind and setting up shop somwhere else. Without the white man's natural instincts to run and hide when problems arise you motherfuckers probably would have never "found" America in the first place. So do you nigga- run and hide, because at least your constant fear of being found wont be half as bad as getting a pimp cup surgically removed from your colon. Just be sure to check that peep hole when there's a knock at the door on moving day.
Labels: pimps, white motherfuckers
I work for a company full of nerdy-ass bitches, my boss is a helmet-wearing retard that never leaves his office, and all I do all day every day is sit in front of a computer. I can't even look at porn because there's a glass door on my damn office. So anyways, this uppity ass bitch just got promoted and she's taking it out on everyone. Now I'm not about to put up with the bullshit she's shelling out (i'm white, but i'm not that white...plus, it's a fucking GIRL), but all I can do is this stupid passive-aggressive shit that doesn't actually mean shit. It's kinda hard to get that 'fuck you' emphasis when all I do is delete the email she sends me. 
So some trick ass bitch get herself a little closer to that glass ceiling and now you supposed to take shit all day? Nah, fuck that. If she ain't your boss and she trying to tell you what the fuck you got to do - then you got to tell her to fall the fuck back. Put a bitch in her place. I mean, I know its an office environment and shit but the rules of the street still apply in some respects. On the motherfucking street if some yapping ass cunt come up and start telling you some shit that you ain't tryna hear, you got to choke up on the bitch bat for real. Before she even get to her second hand wave or that third head shake, that bitch gonna get her motherfucking lights put the fuck out and its a wrap. One and one, nigga: one blow and one knocked out cunt who used to think she had some upperhand in your shit.
