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NAVY - Accelerate Your Life, And The Dryness Of Your Dick

Dropped Wednesday, March 21, 2007 by That Nigga Gumby.
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Dear NiggaKnow,

Its ya boy Action"MF"Jackson, out here livin off Uncle Sam. I got some shit goin on I want some advice on. A minute ago a nigga I thought was my nigga did some shit real niggas don't do. He tol this white bitch that me an my boy from Africa (Shouts to the Cradle o' Mufuckin Civlization) that we basically had a bet goin to see who was gonna hit first. On top of that shit, this bitch know about some other chick I fucked a while ago. Aint that a bitch? Now, bein on the west coast now (I was born in NJ, raised in GA, ATL nigga) the only niggas I fucks wit is from the east an they all southern niggas wit the exception of the shady nigga im speakin of, who hails from DC. I need that kinda comradery outchea, cuz these San Diego niggas is shady than a mufucka. But I digress. I work wit this nigga an he a higher rank than I am, an I kno imma need his expertise sooner or later. The fuck im sposed to do?

That Navy Nigga,

Action"MF"Jackson


Dear GI Joe type nigga,

I'm surprised I didn't hear about your story on the news (even though I don't watch that white man propaganda bullshit) ending with you reaching for your burner and putting two in this nigga. Afterall, fucking with a nigga's pussy game is like fucking with his money- cross that line and expect to get a peep hole put in your chest, and I ain't talking 'bout no home improvement type shit nahmean? And where the fuck did ol' boy get that "we have a bet goin" bullshit at? Nigga's probably coppin his lines from porn flicks and them Girls Gone Wild commercials.

Major Payne gonna get that ass one way or the motherfucking other, bitches.


As far as fixing this motherfuckin problem, normally I'd tell you to just bust this nigga in the throat. But we gon' have to find another way to solve this shit seeing as he's your damn boss. Plus, the Navy ain't no job at a BK where you can get fired for punching a nigga and/or dropping your nuts on them privileged white motherfuckers' food and the next day find another food joint to wipe yo grundle sweat off on some white dude's chicken strips.

Coming at this nigga wrong will fuck up your future paper, and that ain't gon' help your pussy game none. So you got two options: either show this nigga the way next time you're in this situation by handling the bitch yo damn self and he'll learn by example, or get this sorry ass nigga some bitch made self-help tape on how to talk to bitches.

That nigga Bill Bellamy, who is my distant cousin, gonna keep them bitches at bay with his 3 rules of playing bitches.


nigga advice on the free for real

Trouble in Paradise: Island Hopping Breezy Gone Wild

Dropped Tuesday, March 13, 2007 by That Nigga Gumby.
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Dear NiggaKnow,

My ex-fiance ran off with 3 of my childhood friends for a weekend in St. Croix while we were STILL ENGAGED. None of them punk ass white motherfuckers bothered to tell the bitch no or even tell me where the fuck she went. 4 months later, cracker gets drunk and spills guts. Then he acts like I shouldn't be pissed. What's up? I can't 187 their ass but I know these motherfuckers don't need an explanation. Get at me.

Elevent


Dear weak pimp hand havin ass motherfucker,

God damn you got fucked over. This is why ya nigga Gumby always says fuck all that buying a bitch a diamond ring bullshit. I mean if you decided to make one of your breezies your main bitch, that's gravy, but if you put a damn ring on that finger you might as well kiss half your Jordan's away now nigga. Plus, some bitches get scared away by all that "trying to take it to the next level" type shit even though they been hinting at it for years. But after that "187" comment I'm thinking your bitch ran off with your boys for using too much early 90's slang.

early nineties slang keep a nigga down


Any damn way, you might think you need to get at them 3 motherfuckers for banging your girl, but you going at this all wrong. Off the top, your ass needs to get off all that bitch made white boy "bros before hos" bullshit, this ain't they fault nigga. Afterall, it's in a man's nature to slang dick to any bitch who wants it and doesn't resemble a damn mastodon with Down Syndrome. Nah son, place all that hatred on that sneaky ass bitch chasing dick and racking up them frequent flier miles while doing it.

Actually nigga, this all your damn fault for not keeping that breezy in line. Normally I'd say if you don't come correct with them bitch management tactics then your ass should stick to having a stable a bitches and forget all that engagment ring type shit. The most you should be dishing out to a bitch for being up on her job is a whopper with cheese after you dig it out behind the dumpster at Burger King (holla at the CEO nigga MikeNyce for that tip). However, you seem to be that 'I just need one bitch' type dude, so we gon' have to handle this differently.

The reason why that bitch ran off with your 3 boys is because she knew she could. And how she knew this is because you're probably a nice guy and bitches don't like nice guys, they like a nigga who gon' treat them like the jankie ass hos they are. This can be accomplished by simply never paying attention when a bitch is talking, and only calling her at 3am when you need some drunken post-club pussy. But if that just ain't your personality, then you gon' have to find some other way to keep a bitch on lock.


nigga advice on the free for real

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Back to the Future 4: Hip Hop Gods Return

Dropped Friday, March 9, 2007 by That Nigga Gumby.
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Dear NiggaKnow,

What do you think the hip-hop scene would look like if Tupac and B.I.G.were still around today?

White Motherfucker


Dear white dude who wore FUBU in the 90's,

You ain't really seeking no advice from a nigga, but I can see where this shit got you hurting, especially with today being the 10th anniversy of Biggie's death. The hip hop game has been all fucked up since they've been gone. Them two niggas dying allowed motherfuckers to get away with some crazy shit. For instance, Mannie Fresh playing a damn harpsichord on them Cash Money albums, and a nigga like DMX selling millions by literally barking on tracks. Who knew making some fucking animal sounds entertained white motherfuckers so much?

see and say niggas say arf

On top of all that shit, pussy ass niggas have infested hip hop. Not just the music itslef, but in the overall mentality of these motherfuckers. It used to be that when two rap game niggas were beefin shit would get solved by busting a few shots. But how it works now is if one "hip hop artist" has a problem with another "hip hop artist" he'll write a fucking song about him on a mixtape, like he some damn angry female singer-songwriter that's been 'scorned by a former lover' or some shit.

BRAND NEW.. THAT GULLY APPLE BITCH.. HOT SHIT.. DESERT STORM..

I just can't picture Tupac and B.I.G. in today's rap game though. Biggie would have had like three heart attacks by now if that nigga didn't do something drastic with his weight. And you can bet your ass (and them Karl Kani jeans you probably still got on it) that greedy nigga Diddy would have had B.I.G.'s stomach stapled with a gold Bad Boy medallion.

As far as Tupac goes, niggas still think that motherfucker IS in the rap game. Not only is he steady pushing albums like yay in blue tops, but niggas swear they see him all the time around the hood, like pieces of food that look like Jesus sold to dumb white motherfuckers on Ebay. You also got to keep in mind that 'Pac and B.I.G. would be like 40 by now, that's 73 in rap years.

that thug mansion now run by orderly niggas

They'd still be controlling the hip hop game if they were around though. You know they wouldn't have allowed niggas like Cam'ron to run around ass out wearing all that pink gear. That nigga looks like a gay eskimo. And bitch made motherfuckers wouldn't have dared to sell out and show they face in them ads for fucking skin care product.

Shit, selling out is probably the main thing Tupac and B.I.G. would have affected. You ain't gon' hear "Juicy" in a Kool Aid ad, or some white motherfucker say "have it your way" in a Burger King commercial while "How do you want it" plays in the background. We can only hope that 'Pac would have been able to stop Snoop from disgracing himself in a Chrysler commercial with that white motherfucker Lee Iacocca.

thats roots reference, niggas


nigga advice on the free for real

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