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Trouble in Paradise: Island Hopping Breezy Gone Wild
Dropped Tuesday, March 13, 2007 by That Nigga Gumby.
Dear NiggaKnow,
My ex-fiance ran off with 3 of my childhood friends for a weekend in St. Croix while we were STILL ENGAGED. None of them punk ass white motherfuckers bothered to tell the bitch no or even tell me where the fuck she went. 4 months later, cracker gets drunk and spills guts. Then he acts like I shouldn't be pissed. What's up? I can't 187 their ass but I know these motherfuckers don't need an explanation. Get at me.
Elevent
Dear weak pimp hand havin ass motherfucker,
God damn you got fucked over. This is why ya nigga Gumby always says fuck all that buying a bitch a diamond ring bullshit. I mean if you decided to make one of your breezies your main bitch, that's gravy, but if you put a damn ring on that finger you might as well kiss half your Jordan's away now nigga. Plus, some bitches get scared away by all that "trying to take it to the next level" type shit even though they been hinting at it for years. But after that "187" comment I'm thinking your bitch ran off with your boys for using too much early 90's slang.
Any damn way, you might think you need to get at them 3 motherfuckers for banging your girl, but you going at this all wrong. Off the top, your ass needs to get off all that bitch made white boy "bros before hos" bullshit, this ain't they fault nigga. Afterall, it's in a man's nature to slang dick to any bitch who wants it and doesn't resemble a damn mastodon with Down Syndrome. Nah son, place all that hatred on that sneaky ass bitch chasing dick and racking up them frequent flier miles while doing it.
Actually nigga, this all your damn fault for not keeping that breezy in line. Normally I'd say if you don't come correct with them bitch management tactics then your ass should stick to having a stable a bitches and forget all that engagment ring type shit. The most you should be dishing out to a bitch for being up on her job is a whopper with cheese after you dig it out behind the dumpster at Burger King (holla at the CEO nigga MikeNyce for that tip). However, you seem to be that 'I just need one bitch' type dude, so we gon' have to handle this differently.
The reason why that bitch ran off with your 3 boys is because she knew she could. And how she knew this is because you're probably a nice guy and bitches don't like nice guys, they like a nigga who gon' treat them like the jankie ass hos they are. This can be accomplished by simply never paying attention when a bitch is talking, and only calling her at 3am when you need some drunken post-club pussy. But if that just ain't your personality, then you gon' have to find some other way to keep a bitch on lock.
Labels: bitches, white motherfuckers
Even Crazy White Motherfuckers Need Pussy, Stingy Bitch
Dropped Thursday, February 22, 2007 by That Nigga Gumby.
Dear NiggaKnow,
So this guy's been all over the news lately - http://www.icantbelieveimstillsingle.com/.
He was also in salon magazine today talking some real crazy shit- http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2007/02/08/eric_schaeffer/index.html
What do you make of guys like him? And what advice do you have for us single women in dealing with guys like this?
Keeping it real, Emily
Dear dizzy ass bitch,
First off, NiggaKnow might be the last fucking place you should look to find quality dating tips related to white motherfuckers. On the real, I didn't even know white breezies had bigger problems than which Mercedes they dad was going to buy for the 'Super Sweet Sixteen' party, or whatever other sheltered-ass Candy Land bullshit ya'll celebrate. I mean aside from what I saw in that bitch made Jerry Maguire movie (look nigga, them 165th street bootlegging Jamaicans done fucked up my copy of "ATL", aight?), I don't know shit about dating white motherfuckers.
However, this is the advice jumpoff at NiggaKnow. And aside from some dude that's lost in an episode of "HBO Presents: Hookers at the Point" and a white motherfucker who's probably that creepy ass nigga Steve Jobs trying to reinvent slavery through tech blogs (this ain't the Amistad motherfucker), we haven't had too many other questions around this bitch, so we gon' handle your little Cinderalla dilemma.
I can see where your whole dating white motherfuckers world was turned upside down after copping information off them two links you holding. This motherfucker is crazy; like Chappelle + $50 million crazy. Just take a look at a few statements made by the dude who 'can't believe he's still single':
You mean actually sticking it in for two seconds and having her run and tell her mother that this isn't a good game anymore?
We were both kissing, and then it got stuck in and then...you know, I fucked my little guy friends when I was 6.
I was both top and bottom. These were friends! We would crawl under the covers and play bat cave and somehow a dick would end up in someone's ass.
"Damn" is right nigga.
So now you want to find out how to handle dating guys like this? How the fuck should I know when even YOU don't really know what you want from a man? Bitches, specifically white breezies, are hypocrites. You might say you like a man who's honest, but then when you hear something that doesn't fit into that knight in shining armor bullshit fantasy you get all fucked up and want to cut ties with a nigga.
Look here bitch, you ain't gon' find a man who doesn't have a shady past. Maybe not no weak ass white boy "I fucked my little guy friends" type shit, but there's been more than a few bitches that didn't find ya nigga Gumby so "sweet" and "nice" once they found out my business plan used to include caving in white mothefuckers' skulls with a brick and taking they wallet.
Bottom line is that it's on you- decide whether you want a man who's open and honest about some real grimey shit in his past, or take a chance with some motherfucker that might seem perfect on the outside but is probably some crazy ass white serial killer type dude.
Labels: bitches, hip hop, white motherfuckers