Its your boy BigEddieEd back with another update. First off, fuck you update thirsty niggas - we ain’t on a motherfucking schedule so stop acting like you owed some niggarishness everytime a month go by. I’m like, if you gonna post comments and pretend you my nigga Bokeem Woodbine, the least you could do is drop a mouse on some of these motherfucking ads.
What is really motherfucking goodie all youse loyal ass niggaknow niggas, you know who the fuck it is. Now I been taking care of shit like I’m that white motherfucker Mike Rowe on the Discovery Channel nigga, and yeah I flip to that shit when I aint watching Isiah Thomas take a motherfucking chain to the Knicks franchise, or listening to another faggot on the steps of the Idaho courthouse lying about what he gonna do with this fucking country when he scribbling in the oval office. So i been shying away from talking about technology let alone motherfucking anything and leaving you niggas waiting.
Motorola been doing any motherfucking thing they can to try to get back the ground they been losing since Sleepyheads decided they ain’t trying to be the last motherfuckers gripping a RAZR. Koreans been flocking to the iPhone like it wasn’t nothing, leaving all that Motorola bullshit strapped into those motherfucking utility belts Indian motherfuckers been clicking all they jacks and mp3 grips into.
I mean, Motorola was on they motherfucking game with that RAZR for a minute - Even white kids been carrying that motherfucker, snapping them snaps, shooting off texts to they one black friend they family approve of who using that nigga nextel (Boost Mobile), but they they got greedy and kept on dropping some faggot ass jacks, playing them like they the next level, but I can’t even tell you the name of one nigga that is willing to admit he shouts at bitches on a KRAZR, a RIZR, or a ROKR.
What’s good, niggas? Its your boy, back from beasting on them grimey niggas leaving they dirty ass plates right the fuck where they was as they stay posted up on the motherfucking couch because they too tired from eating ham steaks. Any damn way, I’m starting some new shit that I’m calling the White Site Profile. Its my list of websites white motherfuckers put up that ain’t about Guitar Hero, Steve Jobs, or Japanese Cartoon bitches with tentacle titties. The first motherfucking entry is White Whine, the internet’s first ever archive of white motherfuckerishness.
So Amazon unveiled they latest shit: An e-book reader called Kindle. Before I get in depth, consider this shit right here. When you see some white motherfucker in a suit shouting about his new products and even them SoHo living pastey face niggas ain’t feeling it, you almost need a motherfucking bombshelter for what the fuck gonna happen with that product. I mean, normally white people be eating up what ever the fuck a bald white man in a suit be selling them, even if its 4 AM and that crispy TV nigga talking about some sleepyhead knife set. When it come to the Amazon Kindle, this shit right here is straight motherfucking GARBAGE in ALL circles. Feel me?
Ever since that nigga Steve Jobs got white folk to lose they mind with that iPhone bullshit, motherfuckers been steady looking for they own way to clutch Apple coat tails and basically trick niggas into thinking they shit worth buying. It seem like every goddamn company that ever sold a motherfucking jack or a mp3 grip got they own iPhone rip-off now, and them grimey bitches at Sprint don’t want to be left the fuck in the dust.
What’s really good my niggas. Real talk, I want to start this motherfucking update by shouting to my stupid, early-adopting-ass white niggas that copped that motherfucking iPhone with they dick on hard, waiting on some line full of equally unbathed scraggly ass white motherfuckers wearing they camo hats and girl jeans. You niggas is stupid for motherfucking real. I mean, 600 dollars for a motherfucking Apple jack with a god damn screen that be looking like the glass at a peep show after a motherfucking minute, then like a week later your motherfucking asses all flabbergasted at a $200 price cut.
Its your boy, back with another motherfucking update, and I’m convinced more than ever that white people ain’t got no motherfucking sense. I mean, I thought white people was fucked up, but now I’m positive, because you pasty motherfuckers out there can’t stop thinking about aliens and shit. Thats straight truth. You white people got it in your motherfucking heads that Outer Space is the next big thing, and you can’t wait to run shit.
So I don’t know if all of you true hood niggas heard this shit, but I guess them sleepyheaded video game motherfuckers at Nintendo thought they Wii systems wasn’t gay enough and decided that white motherfuckers needed to read Digg on they Televisions, when them shits ain’t bumpin out season 1 Growing Pains or whatever shit that stupid white motherfuckers be wasting they paychecks on.
Valentine’s day came and went and if you one of them sorry ass niggas that ain’t got a stable of bitches, your boy Big Eddie Ed got some helpful shit to throw at you. Oh and don’t come at a nigga on the defensive, writing some shit like you ain’t even need help in those comments. Too many of you anonymous internet niggas be making some lofted ass claims about the motherfucking gaggles of hoes they fucked when all those niggas ever hit was they priest or they boyscout troop leader. Lying ass motherfuckers. 90% of you bitch-made niggas be pounding your motherfucking dick raw watching some of that Sleepyhead cartoon shit with all them octopus legs.
Any damn way, you motherfuckers know that internet dating bullshit ain’t new. 
You seen all the commercials with them old age crispy white motherfuckers, talking at the screen, saying some shit like you gone meet a bitch and settle the fuck down. I mean, not only is that some straight bullshit they telling you, but its just white motherfuckers trying to get money. You ain’t gonna marry no internet bitch, but they don’t know that shit. Let a nigga tell you about women for a hot motherfucking minute.
Bitches always acting like the whole world’s they own shiny ass story book and they some kind of princess. They spend they whole lifes thinking that one day, some white motherfucker in a bedazzled ass suit gone roll up on a white motherfucking pony and sweep they ass off to some magical castle where SHE gonna live happy and that nigga gonna spend every last goddamn cent on her whiney babytalk ass. They absolutely believe all that shit. They feel they entitled to some royalty shit all because they got a motherfucking pussy.
Now, you motherfuckers ain’t got a shot in hell at being no prince gonna snatch a bitch up and throw ice for years, but how the fuck does that bitch know? Its internet dating nigga and you could be whatever the fuck you want to tell a bitch.
The shit is simple. All you got to do is flip on a few motherfucking checkboxes, tell a bitch you working out 3 times a week, and add like 3 inches to your height. Lying about all the shit that keep your dick dry seem to be the only way to get the motherfucking job done. You got to be taller, thinner, stronger, smarter, richer, and you got to love some motherfucking puppies and shit. If you need help filling this shit out, steal all the answers from another motherfucking profile - preferrably one where that bitch-made faggot holding a book or a motherfucking rose.
Want Children? Fuck yeah you want some motherfucking kids. Do you really? Fuck no, and if you do end up knocking this bitch, you ain’t even gonna know they name.
That’s real. One.
