My children, I remember back in 1898 when the element radium was first discovered. Now, those of you that finished High School might be thinking “Why Black Jesus, would Radium have anything to do with Radioactivity?” Absolutely! You niggas are a smart bunch of motherfuckers.
After its discovery by a basment-dwelling white motherfucker, Radium was marketed to white motherfuckers as medicine. They had radioactive heating pads for arthritis, radioactive sacks for these nutz (make it easier for you micropenis motherfuckers to please your breezies) radioactive suppositories, and radioactive water which had “the invisible hand of Mother Nature to make you healthy.” That’s bullshit at it’s finest. Mother Nature is too busy sucking some dick and burning some rocks to have her hand in you because her baby’s daddy ran out on her. I took care of that nigga, he got AIDS now. You fuck with Mother Nature, you fuckin with Black Jesus. Feel me?
Back to the topic, white motherfuckers also used radium in the Adrian Shoefitting machine to determine the size of yo’ small motherfucking feet. Black Jesus rolls in a motherfucking size 14, info for the asian breezies reading this. But let’s stop here. Adrian? “What kind of faggotass shit is that?” is what you real niggas out there should be thinking. Wanna know how down the name Adrian is? That faggot motherfucker George Clooney wants to name his next son Adrian. Any nigga named Adrian is about as down as Wikipedia. Anyway, white people used this so they could see their toes wiggling.
That’s the dumbest shit I’ve heard since I was sent a free copy of the Bible. Wanna see your toes wiggling? Then take yo’ god damned shoes off! Jesus Christ, those niggas was stupid!
Then white motherfuckers first realized “Oh shit this radium shit’ll kill a nigga!” when one of you people from Pennsylvania drank 14,000 vials of radioactive water, and that niggas jaws fell off! Yeah son, his motherfucking JAWS! Oh, holy shit, I remember when the big man and I first heard about that. You mortal niggas was the laughing stock of Heaven, still makin jokes about that fool.
You’d think that me and the big man would warn y’all about the danger’s of Radium, but nah, we didn’t want to. Don’t feel bad though, the sight of y’all’s jaws and dicks fallin off and then not knowin why gave us a hell of a lot of laughs.
Holla at your lord and savior, one.
