Now that they tryna cure that AIDS with some bitch-made ass red nanos, here’s a special motherfucking iPod you ain’t never gone see:

If you cop that imaginary non-existant shit-brown iPod nono, we gone donate $10 dollars to find a motherfucking cure for mud butt.

Office Depot got a 19″ Widescreen LCD Monitor for $159 - and you don’t gotta send rebates out to nobody, nigga. This is a time sensitive sale that ends on 11/4/2006.

It’s got that DVI and built-in speakers suitable for white motherfucker use, but they ain’t shit compared to what the fuck I got bumping in my motherfucking trunk. Any damn way, with a max resolution of 1440×900, this shit look bangin as a motherfucker wether you trying to buck them 8 year old Japanese niggas at some counterstrike or you running them Kobe Tai DVDs.

Yeah, its a no-name brand, but according to those niggas at Fast Hardware, this shit is bedazzled as all motherfucking get-out. So this shit is deceptive like them NYC Jamaican bedsheet watches. That reviewer even wrote some shit like he can’t even tell the difference between this monitor or one them crispy ass $500 LCD shits your caking ass boss been copping for days.

I’mma have two of these motherfuckers for real. Get yours while supplies last nigga, they say the sale gonna be over November 4th in the ‘06.

This is a quick one, so I’m gone let this strip speak for it self.

This shit is a parody, nigga. Come to your own conclusions, I mean DAMN. One, bitches.

My niggas, you know what? Fuck a bitch. Fuck women fat or skinny. Fuck a girl who got a big nigga dick swingin’ in front of em but they ain’t bitin’ like the fish that they is. Newstyle you wanted an update, here it is mothafucka.

You know how you go out to a club and try and get a holla at a bitch and she don’t holla back? Use the words “fuck em” right in front of they bitch faces and see what happens. You’ll get their motherfuckin’ attention and then what? Turn your face around and kick dust at em as you move on to the next girl. If that girl gon’ fuck around and say ‘no’…use the previous act that you dun dun and get to the next girl…cause there’s millions of tricks out there. You’re bound to get one playa. Don’t dwell on one girl cause they don’t know shit what you got to offer.

Matter of fact, get yo bitch for the night, and that’s it. Kick her ass OUT. I know I’m talkin’ some 1995 shit but the booze take this shit out a nigga and a nigga gotta write shit down ya hurd?

Good night, sleep tight, skeet so hard you hit the light.

Yo, you might have noticed that your boy BigEddieEd ain’t tryna be no motherfucking fan of that nigga Steve Jobs. I mean, I been hating on the shit he producing for days, but today I’m gonna hit you with some new shit. Yeah, today is the motherfucking day that I am gonna offer some constructive ass critiques about that motherfucking iPod Nano bullshit.

The nano was hot for like a month when Niggas amazed that they could get all they Pete Rock Petestrumentals on a shiny new grip that ain’t no thicker than that motherfucking CD Changer remote yah niggas used to live by in like 1996. Shouts down, or up, or where ever the fuck they gotta go, to my nigga Makaveli (If you don’t know, that’s Tupac, white motherfuckers - show some motherfucking respect). Here’s how the motherfucking Nano looked when that shit was semi-blazing on the street:

I mean, it ain’t bad but its still some bitch-made ass bullshit - and that shifty motherfucker Steve Jobs KNEW that shit. Apple always be putting out some shit only to change how the fuck it looks like a year later. That pasty motherfucker Steve Jobs can’t live without changing shit.. except for that crusty ass black turtleneck and them 1989 stonewash jeans. I mean, for real - change your damn clothes. Nigga got a closet full of the same shit like he the star of that bullshit ass TV show, Monk. Varietize nigga, for serious - but here’s how the fuck he change the motherfucking Nano:

Heres how it go: Apple always taking a stale product, change the color or some bullshit, then the motherfuckers re-release it with a higher price tag. Them changes ain’t worth shit neither. I mean, fuck an aluminum case, and fuck them round-shaped earbuds. That shit is played the fuck out and its already been done time and time again my niggas. They need to take they ass back to the original design and start right the fuck from there.

I felt bad for the motherfuckers so I decided to give them some shit to think about - a design that is truly bedazzled. So motherfucking bedazzled that I’d throw my motherfucking stolen credit cards out the windows and buy the shit with my own shit. Behold, Niggas:

The iPod NiggaNano - coming to stores whenever the fuck that nigga Steve Jobs wakes the fuck up and trades in that motherfucking mime outfit for a throwback. Oh yeah and before I’m out on this shit, let me tell you motherfuckers that these opinions is my own and all the accusations is pure allegations. Come up with your own motherfucking conclusions. One yourself bitches.

Holla at ya motherfucking boy cuz this nigga back from a little hiatus and right now Imma hit you with some of this real technology for you to drop that hardearned green on, you understand. I been noticing that a pattern arising on this tech game - my nigga Eddie Ed get at you with that in depth analysis of some general technological issues about whats popping from this site all the gotdamn way to that island with all them sleepyhead ninentendo fucks with they hentai and fucking wack ass television shows with all they fruity colors. But TLRNY comes with that hot product that you probably caint afford any goddamn way unless you name is Thomas Wellington III or Lao Xi Wang or some queer bullshit like that. Jea, but who give a fuck, nigga not me. I give yall some shit to ask Santa for or to chase that paper moving tony on the strip for so either way itll be a white Christmas, yunderstand.

This first product is fucking raw son. I could write about some hot jack or some homo iPod accessory - but you had enough of that. I bring that shit that you and ya dudes aint gonna see in ya local Radio Shack or Target when you browsing the merchandise and they holding heat to the nigga head behind the counter. So lemme present the SensorfreshQ. Now Imma tell you the truth. I dont know how I feel about this grip. That name sound gay. I’m not even gonna play. It sound like something you gonna find in a bathroom in the Lower East Side that Carlos gonna use to tickle Chad ass with. But lemme tell you niggas what this shit is. This bullshit tell you if meat is rotten, in case you too fucking stupid to figure that shit out yaself. It got three lights on that shit: Green, for It Okay To Stuff That Week old Kennedy Fried Chicken into Ya Fat Ass, Yellow, for You Got a Day to Eat that Shit or You Better Goddamn Hope You Got Health Insurance, and Red for Dont Fucking Eat That Shit Nigga or You Gone Die and That Nigga Across the Hall Gone Smell Ya Ass A Week Later. Okay, this shit not a bad idea if you fucking blind or you cant smell or you wear a bicycle helmet when you not on a bike. But nigga, for serious, why spend $89.95 on this shit when that common sense you learned in third grade before you dropped out tell you that you shouldnt be serving that beef at a cookout that if it been sitting in ya fridge since 1997. Goddamn nigga. See it that kind of stupid ass idea for a product that make me think that only white folk is gonna purchase this shit. But then again, if we talking about the same white dudes that be sipping they frapuccino, writing short stories, wearing sandals and jerking they friends off to protest the president - the white folk Niggaknow usually be hating on - these caucazoid niggas probably dont eat meat any gotdamn way. They eat tofu and shit, nigga, you know that. So who the fuck gonna be buying this product?

The answer: Sleepyheads. Why? Because they got to worry about that motherfucking chicken flu or that Sars or they son getting sick so he cant get to that SAT study session on time. Okay now Imma be sick. Be easy.

White motherfuckers been pretending they dwarfs and killing all kinds of motherfucking dragons for days. That shit is old motherfucking news. I mean, everybody know that a pasty-face like pretending that they some shit that they ain’t never gonna be, like a wizard or a motherfucking elf, or a white rapper that don’t start his shit with “and I’m here to say” in the first line. Well, now all you white motherfuckers got something else you could pretend to be. Introducing MTV’s Virtual Laguna Beach.

This is basically an opportunity for all you motherfucking shut-in white people to stop playing around like you a god damn Viking, and start acting like you a faggot ass pastel polo shirt wearing white motherfucker that live near the beach and don’t gotta pay to get they dick sucked. Yeah, the subject matter is faggy as all get out, but if you gotta be white and you gotta pretend you something else, why not pretend that you somebody that ain’t greasy in a motherfucking basement? I mean, fuck a Sim and fuck them Orcs too.

Oh and believe a nigga: this shit is not motherfucking fake. They actually beta testing this game right the fuck now and you could even play it for free. You could sign up and pick what the fuck you wanna look like, which is fine if you ain’t black. I mean, any goddamn game that you gotta pick what the fuck you look like got like 50,000 variations of white motherfuckers, 30 sleepyheads, and 2 shitty ass black dudes.

That’s how the fuck it is in every motherfucking game… Except Tiger Woods golf. That nigga probably got it in his motherfucking endorsement contract that you gotta accurately represent a minority because he all frustrated trying to find a motherfucker that looks like him. I mean, it ain’t easy to do it if you Black, but if you got a little Sleepyhead stirred the fuck into your Black, that’s gotta be frustrating as a motherfucker.

Any damn way, until I could roll up strapped looking like my nigga CJ from San Andreas and smash that bitch Kristin Cavalleri, I’m gonna sit the fuck out. Holla at a nigga when they get real with this bullshit. One.

Russia gonna let Madonna into space as early as 2009, which means that anyone else can get into space too - provided that you slob on a mile of nigga cock and you got a gap between your motherfucking fronts that puts my nigga Bokeem Woodbine to shame. That bitch got a fake British accent, but a authentic fucked up British smile, for serious.

Its all about the money though. They was gonna tell the bitch to fall back, but those shifted ass Russian motherfuckers is so easily bought out that you could pop a nigga named Yakov in the eye with a roll of Charmin and a loaf of Wonderbread and he gonna be like, “So when the fuck you want to get up in the Cosmos, nigga?”

I mean, they ain’t got no scruples (…and to have my respect you got to be holding down some motherfucking scruples). They already sold out and let some wealthy white motherfucker up in space for like 25 Million, they almost let that gay nigga Lance Bass go and redecorate the moon, and now they gonna let Madonna up in there and potentially endanger the motherfucking fabric of space time.

First off, I’d like to apologize in advance to all those motherfucking aliens. I can’t speak for white motherfuckers, but on behalf of all the niggas on the planet - I am sorry, but its not our motherfucking fault that the bitch became the destructive force she is today. Niggas only did some backup dancing and mouth fucking when it came to that bitch any damn how, but we didn’t endorse no motherfucking interstellar travel.

So to make you Alien motherfuckers more prepared for what the fuck you got to deal with come 2009, here are a few motherfucking notes that seemed to work for us niggas on Earth when it come to Madonna:

1. That bitch is 65 years old. No matter what the fuck she tells you, or what the fuck the bitch wears, that bitch is up for some Social Security and even though she looks like she’s in aight shape, she got a snatch like a tore-up beer can cozy and a hip made out of gram crackers.

2. Never let the bitch get recognition for shit she ain’t supposed to be doing. The bitch can sing and suck dick. That’s all the bitch should get props for. Pat the bitch on the back after she takes 12 the hard way, or give her a motherfucking peck on the cheek for throwing down some vocals, but never give the bitch an award for acting. She gonna try out for any motherfucking role that requires a sexy female lead even though the bitch is in no motherfucking way sexy or female (Allegedly). Ask Guy Ritchie about that shit.

3. You gonna get your dick sucked. There’s no avoiding that shit. If she’s anywhere near a cock, no matter what motherfucking planet your from, you gonna get blown. I heard a rumor that the bitch went down on the Yoda puppet once, but she just ended up sucking on some white motherfuckers hand. Any damn way, since there’s no motherfucking way to avoid getting brain from this arrogant gappy-toothed bitch, I got one word for all you Alien niggas: Pennicilin. I hope yah motherfuckers took a few years out your busy schedule of cornholing white motherfuckers from Oklahoma to discover that shit. You gonna need it to put out the fire, dig?

You follow these motherfucking guidelines, keep this shit in mind, and you gonna be aight. By the way, this shit is the opinion of one motherfucker, Big Eddie Ed, and is based on rumors and allegations. Come to your own conclusions, nigga. One.

From the walls of the prison cell of C74 dis is your boy Mike Nyce straigh off the cot. I loved how niggas thought I was dead gone and not updating this shit no more, and I know I promised niggas updates in like 90 minutes and 2 days and all dat other shit but when you ain’t got no money in your commissary, for pencils or toilet paper its kinda hard to write dem updates nah mean so Imma hit ya with a quick week in review cause every motherfucking white owned technology company in da world released fucking news last week shit I mean damn I’m trying not to get raped in the
ass and enjoy dat shit, much less trying to keep current so here dese shits go:

1. New iPods: FUCK STEVE JOBS (no widescreen touchscreen iPod? you bullshiting motherfucker) drop dat shit asap.

2. Microsoft Zune: Ya motherfuckers can’t be serious! A brown colored device, why dont you just say dis 4 is fo niggas.

3. Blackberry Pearl: Man fuck them candanian honkeys and they bullshit ass half phone/berry. step yo game up (eh!)

4. Nintendo Wii: Fucking sleepyheads still playing dem peenut butta and jelly games, fuck dat shit I wanna see princess get fucked in the ass by koopa troopa! And Fuck a Zelda. Bitches!

5. Sony PS3: Blu-ray my ass nigga, can’t even make a fucking optical light refract and reflect .0001mmm deep in the mirror surface, shit nay-nay in c76 already got a hot new purple ray dvd player he made with a toothbrush and a carton of Newports. 300 gigs of storage and 15.1 channel sound, ya don’t know about that shit! Fuck Sony.

6. Stars Wars: Fucking Lucas must think we stupid buying the same fucking 3 movies over and over, nigga I swear to god if I see that motherfucking I am slapping him with a fucking divX disc. Fuck dat I may even go over to qutentioan house and slapp him with the fucking 1995 laserdisc edition he used to port dem shits. Faggit.

Dats all I got time for right now but if ya niggas remember anything else from last week tech maddness holla at the nigga niggifed@gmail.com

Do any of my pigment-challenged children out there have a question about their iPod? How about you NBRA members and your Chocolate jacks? Well take that blasphemic shit elsewhere, this is Nigga Know Technology, the realest technology from the realest niggas. We don’t assist people with pasty iPods or racist jacks designed by white people.

If you got a question about any real technology, about sleepyhead tech from my day, the site itself, the people behind the site, the Book of Leviticus (I’m sure one of the False Prophets has one) or just ways to burn that classic Kobe Tai flick Executions on Butt Row, drop a comment and we might get at it, provided we aren’t too busy keeping it real.