Verizon Wireless was never a company that was down with no nigga technology, but yesterday I heard some news that made a nigga think they turning over a new motherfucking leaf. They got a new jack that they call “Chocolate” and when I first seen that shit I’m like, Verizon finally got a down ass nigga CEO, because the only mainstream shit I ever heard thats called “Chocolate” was either one of them black breezie porno bitches or that band in Coming to America.

The Verizon Chocolate got everything you want in a motherfucking phone. You could snap them snaps, roll that footage, and even blast that old school Double XX Posse, but even though it got all that, I’m suspicious as fuck because something just don’t seem right about how the those notoriously white motherfuckerish niggas at Verizon been marketing they new hot Chocolate Jack. Then all of a sudden it hit me after checking that movie they got on they site.

Verizon drop all this informative shit for like a minute and a half, but out of nowhere they pop up some shit saying that the Chocolate “totally sweet” like the motherfucking ad campaign was written by that nigga Stiffler or some other typecast 37 year-old still in college white motherfucker. Straight ridiculous. I mean, any time you use “totally sweet” to describe some shit, you better be wearing them Hawaiian floral print shorts and the trademark white motherfucker shell necklace, while you be standing on your head in some shitty ass dirty basement getting so full of cheap ass beer that even Natasha Lyonne telling you to slow the fuck down. That’s the kind of real white trickery that made Blue Hippo the choice for home computers and turned Dell into some bullshit establishment for them caucasians.

So the shit ain’t strictly for my people. I mean we been through this shit time and time again my niggas, thinking that some shit was put out there for us only to find out that is was some motherfucking shit for those fake nigga frat motherfuckers that pump they fists and recite Warren G lyrics whenever the fuck they think they hear a early 90’s bass line. Actually, now that I motherfucking think on that shit, no self-respecting nigga gonna roll with a “Chocolate” jack any goddamn way. You may as well take a sip out the Blacks only fountain and sit on the back of the motherfucking bus if you think that Chocolate jack is a good motherfucking idea.

Cop a real motherfucking jack and throw that Chocolate bullshit to the motherfucking side. One.

If you not retarded or from Iowa then as quick as I hit you boughie ass motherfuckers with this next technology bit you gone say “I cant believe these niggas done took two things that polar motherfucking opposites and made them fit snug like Spring Thomas on fat midnight dick” That’s right: them Mongolian child laboring niggas at Nike who been providing the streets with the toughest gear for centuries done teamed the fuck up with the those fruity caucazoid motherfuckers at apple who been providing that white homeboy Tom with as many iPods and iMacs to ensure that he write the gayest poetry and listen to the most Strokes joints before he get kicked the hell out Jamba Juice every night. I never seen Nike and iPod within a hunned feet of each other, nah mean. For serious the last time I seen products of them two companies even on the same BLOCK, I seen eight pairs of black Air Force 1s and one white apple ipod nano - and guess what motherfucker there was a robbery.

But you prolly gone be like, “eyo now Nike soft teaming the hell up with Apple.” You goddamn right, nigga. Because this new technology is straight up for white folks only. Lemme tell you why. If you got an iPod nano, and some of these “specially designed” Nike running shoes, “sold separately,” then you can hook them two fucking things up - and the iPod grip gonna tell your fat ass how fast you moving through Central Park and how long your strides is, and if that shit wasn’t gay enough it gonna be like a training partner telling you through your headphones worthless ass shit like ya time, distance, speed, and all that bullshit that white bitches need to know about so they can gauge how much or how little of they lettuce and walnut lunch to throw the hell up when they get back to they Manhattan apartment. Apparently this shit mad light so you dont feel it and it cost a buck thirty for the kit and the shoe, the shoe running about a hunned bills, the kit thirty, and dont axe me how the fuck much an iPod nano cost cuz you know I don’t play that shit. Also you can hook this shit up to ya PC or MACINTOSH and upload that data about your run. But for real who the fuck does that shit?

And I dont got to explain why no colored folks is gonna get at this technology. Go to Central Park and find me a black or latin motherfucker with this an iPod nano, this grip or those fucking shits strapped to his biceps right next to a tribal band tattoo and Imma grab a iPod, bring my damn self to Sports Authority, cop them special ed ass sneakers, pick up some hummus at Whole Foods, then maybe eat a motherfucking dick. The only data a nigga need to know is points, rebounds and assists, nah mean.

Did you register for the Nigga Know Fantasy Football League? Well, check this shit out… this is just a motherfucking reminder that the draft is tonight at 9 PM on the East Side, and 6 PM for you West side niggas. We gotta cultivate those teams and get this shit popping.

Be there tonight or else you gonna have a team full of them 3rd string white motherfuckers that brought cups of water to those bitch made running backs on the Navy team… or worse. I mean, if you wait on this shit you gonna find a way to have a motherfucking sleepyheaded quarterback on your team. So be there and be on time, nigga. One.

UPDATE:

The winner of this motherfucking thing gonna have the opportunity to write for this motherfucking site. Yeah, if you win it all you gonna get to see what the fuck it like to be down with nigga know.

Before you niggas get on my dick about putting up another post about them jacks, lemme tell you bitch niggas that this Samsung SCH-A990 grip aint like nothing you ever seen, and for real nigga, dont be acting like you making mad paper and tell me that $350 for this piece ain’t really a bargain. You like Tony Yayo talking bout getting paid like a motherfucker but you living in a one bedroom condo in Queens with them Sopranos extras and garbage men and you still got 24 years on ya mortgage. YOU BROKE NIGGA.

Any fucking way, what make this product tough is that it THREE in ONE. Lemme start off by asking you niggas this question: how many of you got a digital camera? No, not a goddamn camera phone, but a real motherfucking digital ass camera that you PURCHASED legitimately with your OWN paper and that a white motherfucker named Todd isn’t missing? “Ay FUCK you, nigga,” you may retort, “I look gay to you?” EXACTLY, motherfucker. I aint never seen a nigga on the block gripping some digital camera so he can take pictures of his mens in pink popped collars flipping them peace signs so he can post them gay ass pictures of his adventures in the big minority-filled New York City on Flickr so his dudes back in Whitesville, West Virginia, can think he hard and urban for being in some hot and homo Brooklyn “nabe,” or a nigga standing in front of a mirror with his hair over his right eye, tryna look as gay as motherfucking possible for his mySpace. (Don’t believe me motherfucker? do a search for a nigga named Tyrone or Jamaal on mySpace and like only three of them motherfuckers is black and all three them niggas not holding the camera at no gay ass angle or standing in a mirror or wearing eye shadow, nah mean) Maybe them college age niggas do, but the realest niggas aint using them digital cameras to capture they likeness; they got that shit covered by them security cameras at the bodega.

But this Samsung grip is 3.2 megapixels, nigga! And it in a phone! The fuck you need more than 3 megapixels - whatever the fuck a megapixel is - anyways, unless you some white 23 year old art student named Brian? You can snap them digitals or take AN HOUR OF VIDEO of whatever the fuck you want - you and some Puerto Rican bitch knocking them knees without that rubber, some crazy young Harlem niggas fucking up NYU students, whatever, nigga, without ya mens thinking “man I bet this gay nigga gone go home to the lower east side, upload them photos to his mySpace off that digital camera over a plate of walnut tofu, then paint a picture.” You can then hook this shit up to ya flat screen and get the boning with Maria Ruiz up on the HD. Or you can edit them photos and share them shits with a nigga uptown so a nigga can know what make color and model of whip to run up on when it hit they block . Or you can print them pics wirelessly. BUT WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU WANT TO unless you want them images of your dick popping outta every printer in some Whitemanhattan Kinkos for ennatainment, nah mean. This shit overwhelming!!!!

And if them functions ain’t enough for you, and you a suit wearing greasy motherfucking Manhattan corporate Pochahontas raping white motherfucker, get this: you can scan business cards on this motherfucker. Like you niggas need that. And a piece of paper with a nigga name who you know moving that yayo and a Marcy Houses apartment ain’t no business card.

What about the other two functions? Take a motherfucking guess, you retarded Lil’ Wayne looking motherfucker. One: it makes calls. It works with that Bluetooth bullshit too. And you can do some of that high speed networking… so you can download them hot tracks by that young nigga JR Writer… or maybe when you bored on the elevated you can get at them photos of KOBE TAI you been looking for.

Be easy my niggas.

So I been getting mad motherfucking email from all you people out there, and that’s blazing right, but the problem is that a nigga gotta roll for at least 1 out the 24. I can’t be iced at my dual flatscreens with a half finished masterpiece about them sleepyheads on one side and a motherfucking blown up inbox on the other. There come a time when Big Eddie Ed gotta say fuck it, queue up 2 of them DVD quality blacks on blondes downloads, shut the light, close them screens, and push a motherfucking whip out the lot.

Well, new advancements in that technology is gonna keep a nigga from falling back on all that niggamail. Introducing: the iLane. Fuck audio books, fuck them podcasts, and fuck them motivational tapes you white motherfuckers got blasting on the way to your meeting with that flamboyant ass nigga Richard Simmons.. fuck all that. Now you could get some shit done and have the iLane box read all that email to you while you rolling a to b.

The only thing the box isn’t gonna do for me is make you motherfuckers worth hearing. All motherfucking day I’m getting white people dunkin on them keys and tapping out some straight up bullshit. Its like every day I got a new message from a white motherfucker asking me if its aight for them to say the word “nigga” now that Nigga Know cornered the market on that technology game.

I am not your personal barometer of racial acceptance you bitch-made country ass white motherfucker. Let me pop this shit on you: How the fuck it gonna be received when a nigga bust into one of them bars that got that golden tee golf and wood paneling on every motherfucking visible surface calling one of them cowboy hat wearing niggas a “white motherfucker”? Let a nigga tell you: They ain’t gonna be amused.

You want some of that NiggaAdvice? Experiment. If you stupid enough to not know what the fuck up, take your powder ass out to the iron bound and spit that “nigga” shit and find out for your damn self. Don’t come around here neither when you bleeding out your ass and face. NiggaKnow is not responsible for ignorant motherfuckers that end up snatching they own eyebrows up off the concrete because they too stupid to know that it aint a good idea.

Any damn way, iLane would be the shit if I got email that I gave a fuck about. For every note from my nigga Street or EM Active, there like 50 more spams about niggadick pills and myspace friend requests. They got time to sort that shit out tho, because the shit ain’t even in stores yet.

Those crafty ass niggas at CinemaNow just showed those white motherfuckers at MovieLink what the fuck up by announcing that they got they own Download-To-Burn DVD service, and this shit right here is HOT. For all you motherfuckers that need a nigga to let you know, Download-To-Burn DVD sites is the hottest shit out there right now and they blowing the fuck up like a school bus in Lebanon. They popping everywhere like them motherfucking bloodshot eyed Jamaican niggas that got a bed spread on the street selling them bootleg DVDs and fake Oakleys to tourist ass white motherfuckers.

Basically, they let a nigga cop a DVD and burn that shit they damn self, which means you gonna pay less because you cutting out the cost of packaging and photoshoots of Queen Latifah. I mean, the bitch gotta have a trailer with a 15 foot buffet of lobster and one of them kiddie pools full of scampis where ever the fuck she go, so now you gotta pay $29.95 at Target to cop that Bringing Down The House DVD.. and if you do grip that bullshit, you gonna have to get the widescreen version and a extra TV so you could see the bitch other ass cheek. I also recommend that you niggas purchase a motherfucking shotgun so you could blast your damn self the first time that nigga Steve Martin tries to give his corny ass shit a boost by crinkling his motherfucking nose or raising his eyebrows or whatever bullshit that irrelevant nigga pushing off as funny to you boring ass white motherfuckers. Any damn way..

Let’s see the real reason why NiggaKnow is throwin all they support to CinemaNow and not MovieLink. First, since MovieLinks shit don’t work in no Firefox, we gotta fire up that Internet Explorer to open they bitch-made ass website, because those white motherfuckers is so crazed that they gonna make you throw more paper at that nigga Bill Gates. Here’s a shot of their bullshit ass homepage:

ICE AGE? I mean that’s hot and all that they got the only movie where that bitch Queen Latifah was cast correctly as a motherfucking Elephant but how the fuck you gonna blow up ice age, and pull the shrink down on Block Party? Before I steam the fuck up, let me throw down a shot of those niggas at CinemaNow:

The first shit you gonna notice is that the featured joint is that hot shit BARBERSHOP. Not Barbershop 2, or Beautyshop… BARBERSHOP. Notice all those other small ass white movies they had to throw at the bottom. How the fuck is Nigga Know NOT gonna support a site that puts Ice Cube and my nigga Cedric up over the top of that nigga George Clooney? Black people didn’t forget what the fuck you did to BATMAN, NIGGA.

Any way, you need to get ready to get down with those real niggas at CinemaNow. Prices start at $8.99, and that include the full DVD content like interviews, menus, and games. So until then holla back on the regular.

We teamed up with DontH8 Productions to bring you the first ever Nigga Know Fantasy Football League. You think you gonna roll up here run shit on this?

THE INFORMATION A NIGGA NEED

NiggaKnowFootball

League ID#: 212347
Password: technology

Create your own team and sign the fuck up today.

I know you motherfuckers can feel me on this one: so I gots some classic Kobe Tai getting some motherfucking rock dick in some Crouching Tiger position, shown in motherfucking HD up on my flat screen. But I’m not feeling that Yanni soundtrack they got in the back and I’m feeling some motherfucking B.I.G. instead. So I turn down the volume on that DVD I got playing and play that classic Dead Wrong fire, nah mean, cuz that beat up on that shit more in line with Kobe Tai getting motherfucking devastated than some homo-ass, poetry reading, Seattle frappuccino shop Kenny G. music. Then I gots the motherfucking microwave on tryna reheat some of that lo mein I copped up on Hillside Avenue in Jamaica Queens two days ago, nah mean. Then I got that fan running on full cuz it hot as a motherfucker, and my rent goddamn high enough without no air conditioning.

So I got this Asian bitch moaning like its motherfucking Nanjing 1937, I got some Biggie coming out that speaker like a earthquake, and I got some loud whirring coming out them appliances. So if you not a retarded motherfucker, you may say, damn all that shit must be LOUD NIGGA, or if you a white motherfucker trying to conversate while you on the line at Starbucks, you may axe, “How do you keep track of all those wonderful commodities, motherfucker?” Or better yet, how you gonna turn all that shit down when your grandmama call so you dont gotta explain why it sound like a bitch getting raped in ya house by a bunch of them motorcycle riding, leather wearing, homothug Laurence Fishburne niggas from Biker Boyz?

The answer simple, motherfucker. The SRU9600, ($150) dropping next month, is one of them universal remotes with mad motherfucking codes already programmed up into that shit, so you don’t need to program codes into this bitch and you can control all ya electronics without getting your fat monkey ass up out your chair. Now you may axe, I AINT NEVER HEARD ABOUT PROGRAMMING NO NERDY ASS MOTHERFUCKING CODES INTO A REMOTE CONTROL IN THE FIRST PLACE. But apparently those Shawn Bradley looking white niggas over at Sharper Image been had these types of things on the market for a while - all you had to do was cop one of these gay “learning” remotes and no matter what electronic shit you had up in ya house, you could make them do whatever complicated shit you wanted with one remote, by pointing ya shit at the machine or appliance and entering motherfucking codes, and that shit would control anything you fucking wanted, you dig. BUT MY NIGGA, you may interject, I DONT KNOW THE FIRST MOTHERFUCKING THING ABOUT CODING. Ay man, I know that, get off my dick. I know you aint no motherfucking 60 pound Asian kid named Tommy Cho.

Thats what this SRU9600 from Sharper Image is all about, nah mean. All you gotta do is select on this motherfucker’s nifty LSD screen what make and model of electronics you wants to be operating. Then this shit can control up to 8 devices at the same motherfucking time, you dig! Then you don’t needs to be using 8 remotes to be rewinding Kobe Tai so she be doing that handstand over and over; with one of these motherfucking nerd sticks you can put that shit on MUTE and you can be pausing that B.I.G. track and you can stop all that whirr.ing so your grandmama don’t think you no homo biker rapist, nah mean. And this shit only $150. That more than worth it if you can use this motherfucker when you walking through some white ass neighborhood in Manhattan and be switching channels through windows so little blonde kids suddenly be watching that Spice Channel instead of that Sponge Bob. Next thing you know these motherfuckers be controlling the universe, nah mean, and you point one of these things at a breezie in a summer dress and *CLICK CLACK* that summer dress gone.

Adam Sandler should get at this new technology. He should be using this shit instead of making these dumb fucking movies like this shit below:

Every now and then we got to come back down to the earth and realize that one nigga can’t know everything about technology. When it come to jacks, whips, or those shits that white motherfuckers strap to they arms when they jogging, I mean we got that shit on LOCK… but even in that technology game there some shit that a nigga just don’t know yet.

I was peeping KevSliders update about that new Garmin portable global sweep joint so I checked that site and was tripping to find out that these niggas at Garmin was selling something they call “Fish Finders”.

For all you people that think I’m making shit up - allow a nigga to retort: Garmin got a magical box that starts blipping and bleeping (but not bloop-bleeping) whenever you got a fish in the area. My first thoughts were that shit right here gotta be like HOTCAKES to a mugwai selling motherfucker, but I realized that not even Garmin is gonna allow they return policy to be put to the test by no yapping ass sleepyheaded bitch with some postage and a complaint.

I mean, I was straight bedazzled at this concept, but I read into it realized that they just trying to cop to them white motherfuckers wearing them flannel shirts with no sleeves with a motherfucking fishing hook in they baseball cap. This shit isn’t for niggas - its for white motherfuckers… but what the fuck it do?

Apparently, when a white motherfucker go out in they boats they need to know where the fish at. This gadget fires out some of that radar and blows all that data up on the display. So those pasty niggas row they asses out where ever the fuck Garmin tells them to row they asses to and they throw they lines in. Must be a motherfucking blast for white people, but for serious that sounds like some boring ass shit…

*BLIP*
*BLEEP*
THE FISH TO THE RIGHT MOTHERFUCKER

To sum this shit up, we don’t know a fish finder because, niggas aint trying to find no fish. We leave that shit to the sleepy heads and those country ass Huckleberry Finn niggas. If Garmin wanna boost they nigga profits on they line of Finder units then Garmin gotta help a nigga find shit a nigga looking for like white breezies or the identity of that nigga who pretending to be TUPAC on them new cuts. Any way I’m out on that shit.

Now you know what the fuck you need to know. Let me get a holla in those comments. One.

Say you’re with a fine honey bip and you’re about to hit the skins. But wait, you wanna remember this moment for all time; possibly post it on the innanet to show young shorties your stroke technique. Quick playa grab the camcorder…shit son NO TAPE! Fuck a tape this is the 21st century nigga. You need to get your self a tapless HDD Camera. These new cameras will be the future of camcorders but you best wait your ass till they bump the Hard Drives up a notch. Bam Nigga.

Currently JVC is leading the industry with over 5 different models that range from 4GB (removable microdrive that those niggas at IBM made up but no one used) to a 30gb Hard Disk Drive that will showcase you hittin’ them skins for hours at a time. Beware of those cheap niggas at Aiptek, they’ve been making tapeless motherfuckin’ cameras for a couple of years now and they still ain’t got the shit down. Fuck them and fuck Pharell for trying to dance like Michael Jackson on MTV. I hate that nigga. Other brands include Samsung, Sony, and Sanyo but they only have 1 or 2 entries into this shit. Remember when I told your stupid ass to wait on these cameras? Good cause they aint HDTV quality like some of them older cameras are. So wait till they bump bump bump it up! Need to know anything else? Do a motherfuckin’ Froogle search on them. I’m out.