Anyways, gonna need my taxes to pay for layer fees and fines.

Taxes suck but the refunds are aight. Too bad they go back to the government for my motherfuckin mistake.

I still ain’t got a fulltime job, and I’m a college grad as of December 2007. Shit is a bitch here in Michigan, ya’ll feel me. Can’t find shit, no matter how much a nigga apply.

You don’t believe me? Look at this mothafuckin’ map from mothafuckin www.bls.gov .

The mothafuckin’ GOVERNMENT is saying we some jobless ass niggas out here. And don’t get it twisted. If unemployment is that high for the state, which effectively means most white people, what the *fuck* you think it’s like for a nigga?

It’s like some nigga said, think it was either Jesse Jackson or MLK: “When we’re unemployed, we’re called lazy; when the whites are unemployed it’s called a depression.”

Shit is ROUGH, my niggas. I live in that purple shit. I eat off that purple shit. I gotta take care of my moms in that purple shit. When I have ‘em, (if I have ‘em), I gotta take care of my kids in that purple shit. Shit is purple all day, ya’ll. For a nigga, it’s more like that black shit, on the real.

I hear about niggas, even in my own family, movin’ to other states just to get some shit started. At this rate, that’s what Imma *have* to do.

Fucked up thing about this shit is, we got some of the most richest, mothafuckinest mothafuckas on the planet rollin around here in these got damn uppity Nanny Diaries suburbs. And these shits are RIGHT OUTSIDE where I live! I’m talkin’ like within bus distance…but naa, bus don’t take you there. You gotta walk.

Didn’t I tell ya’ll niggas bout the annual food drives I do in these mothafuckin neighborhoods, tryin to hit these white mothafuckas up for some got damn Hamburger Helper boxes? Can’t get SHIT from ‘em! FUCK these mothafuckas! Roll through the hood, get all kinds of shit!

*breathes*

And I ain’t doing this shit for the sake of comparison or some shit. I know ya’ll niggas like to think ya’ll live in the mothafuckin’ Dante’s Divine Comedy Inferno type shit, so whatever, my niggas. I’m just sayin’…lookin at the mothafuckin’ numbers…from the mothatfuckin’ government website…makes a white mothafucka on the grind a little disenchanted…and it makes a nigga hopeless.

I’ve gotten so desperate I’m applyin to mothafuckin’ jobs I wouldn’t work at while I was an undergrad. I’m talkin’ some mothafuckin’ bullshit ass type shit I don’t even want to mention. I’ve had some shitty ass jobs as an undergrad, like washin toilets and breakin’ my back, bent over all fuckin’ day pullin weeds…cuz my boss has a fucked up sense of humor…but fuck…this other shit I’m applyin to…man, nigga fuck that shit…

Oh well, off to grad school it is, then. That’s about the only thing going in Michigan, the mothafuckin’ UofM and the got damn Pistons.

My high school class alone (from those who actually *graduated* high school), by now all them niggas got kids and ain’t doin shit. I think *one* nigga got him a job…and he worked at a mothafuckin’ factory, fucked up his back, now he tryin’ to get disability. Nigga 22. 22!!!!

No sense in waitin for niggas to fix me a plate when I can just fix my own. I been makin my bucks on the side, tutoring and mentoring at these inner city high schools, tryin’ to get these young niggas heads up, cuz shit ain’t lookin good for us, naamean. Meanwhile I’m tryin’ to find a fulltime hustle till gradschool starts *next mothafuckin’ year*. Yeah, I missed the deadline to apply. I gotta take the mothafuckin’ GRE first…and that test, is a mothafuckin piece of bitch. It’s a piece of BITCH.

Fuck it, I ain’t got kids, I ain’t got a wife, no loans because of scholarships (I was blessed)…yeah, grad school is where ya’ll gone see this nigga.

Thanks for listenin’.

-John Dane

I’m livin in this studio apartment provided by the school for now, since I am attending grad school for education at the moment (this ain’t gonna last, I ain’t really feelin’ this approach…I think I wanna do something else to reach these youngins, than sit here and listen to these white mothafuckin soccer moms tell me about they “rough experiences” in they bitch ass 90210 schools), but once my financial aid is up, them niggas gonna put me out, and it’s a wrap.

I ain’t complainin though. Considerin’ all the rabbits my moms pulled out of her hat to keep food on the table when we were growin’ up, this ain’t shit. I know I can be doin’ better.

In the meantime, when I’m not out tryin’ to hustle, I’m in this bitch readin’ Don Quixote.

That’s my nigga.

-John Dane

I know some niggas got it worse. Some niggas like, “Naa, naa, FUCK you, Dane, FUCK you, aight, I live in a mothafuckin’ volcano, I eat my own shit and drink other people’s piss, I wear bear skin from real bears I killed my mothafuckin self, with my mothafuckin hands since I can’t afford sharp objects, I ain’t got no money cuz I live in this mothafuckin’ volcano and the heat melts the mothafuckin ink off the paper, my moms used to work at a chemical plant and that mothafucka exploded, now she’s a mutant with mutant powers and abilities and I gots to deal with that shit because the X-Men ain’t hirin’, I can’t get a girl because I’m ugly as fuck and my last name is Shagnasty, I can’t read or write because the school I went to as a kid got hit by a meteor, killin’ all my friends and teachers in the process, and turnin’ me into a Tree Nigga, which means I can’t get a job…plus I’m retarded and I’m only 3 feet tall…and to top it all off…the cherry on this mothafuckin’ pie…I ain’t even got a DICK. =(”

But whatever, nigga.

-John Dane

-John Dane

-Joe G aka Spidey

Now as for taxes…I wish I didn’t have to pay them, but American N1gga got it right. You opt for getting the most taxes taken out your shit, so you don’t run the chance of owing the government at the end of the year, and you get some back at the end. Also, take that shit to a small tax person and not H&R block….

Here’s what I’m sayin’ - look how bad shit is when you got a nigga as a police officer and how much of that Uncle Tom ass aggression he takes out on young black mutha-fuckas. Not to mention how when you got a nigga as police chief how much niggas get fucked with in the streets. Can you imagine if we had a nigga in the White House? I would have to move out the country for fear of gettin’ my black ass beat on the daily - and I don’t even sell crack (Hov did dat so I wouldn’t have to go through dat).

Finally, I’m black so I’m not a republican so that leaves me with one hope - Hillary Clinton. Anyone who says that she wouldn’t be good for young niggas is off somethin’. We all know uppity white broads love us young niggas.

Get at me…

-Joe G

“SSSSSHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEIIIIIITTTTTTTT!”

You really think that the Nigga that’s runnin’ for office is really tryin’ to take the power back for a nigga? Nigga please. The second this muh-fucka opens his mouth about tryin’ to do somethin’ for young niggas in the street, all these soy latte drinkin’, pasty faces is going to label him militant and turn they backs on his ass. I peeped some shit about a debate he had against that uppity white broad at Howard or some shit like that where they asked these niggas what they thought about the AIDS epidemic. The Nigga said some flowery bullshit that he learned from some old crusty white man and I have to admit, the nigga sounded convincing. However, that old bag got up there and started hollerin’ shit like: if this shit was affecting young white bitches like it does niggas, you better believe this country would be doing something about it (crowd goes bananas). Shit, we would have had a cure yesterday if this was a problem with bitches named Jenny and niggas named Chet (at this point it was like this bitch was Dave Chappelle on Def Comedy Jam - niggas was doing flips and shit down the aisle). That’s the point my nigga, this E.T. lookin’ mutha-fuckia can’t say shit like that because white America will be quick to disown his ass. Then what will us real niggas have? All of white America still thinkin’ that niggas is criminals and out to jack they Saabs and Volkswagens every chance we get and that niggas with a Harvard education can’t run the mutha-fuckin’ country.

It’s politics ya heard and I think that nigga Bill Clinton was as black as it gets for presidents regardless of the niggas skin color.

Holler.

Yall must be crazy if you aint think we was touchin on THAT…the shit is damn near done..hold the politics in for a few more minutes fam..

Meanwhile, introduce a nigga or 2 you know to G.Y.P.U in 200(H8)

-AN

Shit is always going to be that way. These niggas been pickin presidents for a long ass time, and shit is going to be this way until something catastrophic happens. So until then you going to have the select mother fuckers going to they little wooded area up in Cali, worshiping a damn owl, and itching to be burning children alive to this mother fucker. All the while they butt fuckin each other. It don’t matter if they democrat or republican. Mother fuckers are all the same. So no matter what we fucked as far as I’m concerned.

What next? You guys talking about buying some ETFs with those fiscal policy stimulus checks? Shit.

BLS is where it’s at. Niggas need to know that shit.

Concerning ETFs and all that other Wall Street bullshit. Gotta walk before you can run nigga. Most niggas ain’t even took they baby steps yet. Sheeeeeet, most niggas still in they cribs. On the real though, concerning Wall Street, let’s just say somewhere in the universe, there is a fuck that isn’t being given, and I’m the one responsible.

I ain’t bout to follow that nigga Tommy Wilhelm from Saul Bellow’s Seize the Day, or rely on my misconstrued concept of my faulty ass mothafuckin’ life insurance like that nigga Willy Loman from Death of a Salesman.

It’s that nigga—

-John Dane

-Joe G

Love the narrative you got here. Just hang on for a while longer and I got a feelin I’m gonna be tellin folks I read your early stuff on NK. If you young bucks out there scratchin it out have it in you to be open minded about old crusty white mahfuckas (which I am rapidly becoming) consider taking one on as a mentor.
I know your first gut reaction is “fuck outta here with that” what with our stratified society and all. I’m not talking about an Emperor Palpatine situtation either. I’m saying some old successful boardroom veteran is likely to look at John Dane and see beyond the race, the experiences, the language,the age and the social distance and see himself.
Maybe he grew up catholic in a Jewish neighborhood, dad didn’t have shit and drank a lot, and mom died early, maybe he got fucked by the system a couple of times that you can’t know about yet. Maybe his kids grew up privileged and spoiled and got stupid from sitting at starbucks all day listening to spoken word poetry and spendin all his hard earned gwap on che t shirts and mahfuckin coral necklaces so he could use someone around who has that hustle mentality. I’m probably gonna get slammed for this shit but I think its something to consider.

-Joe G